Whispers In The Wind

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I wanted to share a moment I had today with this song. I know probably everyone has heard it at some point. I want you to listen to it again. Listen to the words and I want you to vision the lost ppl around you, family, friends, co-workers, the lady working the register at Circle K, the young lady in Walmart that looks full of anger, and hurt… there are so many things and ppl around us that went through my mind when I was listening to this song. Then I had a flash back from about 5 years ago, It was probably 3 or 4 am, I was sitting outside on the steps, I was drunk and listening to this song. I remember listening to this song over and over again, actually several drunk nights I ended up around Godly stuff. See at this time I had recently walked away from everything I knew, my brother had died and it turned my world upside down, my two teenage boys were acting up, to the point where I cried almost every night, I was working 2 jobs, trying to be the best mom I could be because my kids were my world,  in church, in a small group, trying MY hardest to do this God thing.

Even being in church I was dying a self-induced spiritual death, I was dying because I wouldn’t let anyone fully in, yes including God, or should I say ESPECIALLY God. I knew of God, I knew I pretty much believed in him, I had seen miracles in my life, Angels when I was near death several times, so I knew he was real. I just didn’t think he was for me… I didn’t think that he loved me. I mean, come on… If he had loved me, he never would have let me go through everything I have been through. Almost no one knows my full story but there had been lots of pain and very close encounters toward death. I flipped when my brother died, left church, left my small group, stop talking to ppl from church, funny thing is?? It was my way of protecting them, I knew I was slipping bad, all I wanted to do was drink, party, numb the pain. ALL the pain, an entire life of doing the “so called right things” and having it screw me over. I loved my girls, the hardest thing was walking away from them but I couldn’t chance taking them down with me, so I vanished. One day im gonna finally sit and write about all of this for ppl but until then…. Anyway, drunk listening to this song.. wanna know the weird part? Even though I had walked away from church, from God… I often wondered if anyone “Heard Me” did anyone truly understand the pain, lost, hopelessness that I felt inside?

Let me ask you the same thing I asked myself today… Do you hear them??? Do you??? Do you hear the cries for help, the screams of desperation for a way out, a plea for hope…. Do you hear her???? OR have you become so comfortable in “doing life” that you have forgotten where you came from? Have you forgotten how broken you were before someone shared Gods love with you, before someone SHOWED you GODS LOVE. Let me tell you who did that for me, Pastor Shannon Richard. She showed me unconditional God love, through every drunk text message, through every hangover. She never gave up encouraging me, She never grew tired of reminding me of Gods plan for me. My life and who I am has changed because of God and because of 2 women, Shannon Richard and my amazing mentor Tasha Guidry. They invested God’s love into me. Who are you investing God’s love into??? We talk about changing the world, but what part are you playing in the change?? We pay things forward, acts of kindness, which I love love love doing, but how about paying forward ministering to someone who is lost and broken???

You want change in your life??? Then get Radical about God’s Love!! Wake UP, OPEN YOUR EYES, & BE THE CHANGE.

https://youtu.be/OEhRucEVzH8

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The Leech Factor

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Without Jesus I’d be like a car accident with no repair shop,
a mental-case of self-doubt,
a walking shot of vodka times twenty.

Without Jesus in me,
I would travel from place to place
as a leech seeking my next feel-good prey.

That would be me.

You know what the crazy part is?

I’ve realized it’s ok if I still leech. Jesus doesn’t mind how much I leech on to him.

I can grasp on, pull out everything that IS him and still get every ounce of what I desperately need. I pull in all of his goodness to breathe out all of it wherever I go.

Jesus practically says leech off of me
and I will give you all-surpassing peace.

You will keep in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Is. 26:3

I never thought it should work that way. But, it does. It really does.

He is the rescuer, the ambulance, the paramedic who now runs to my rescue.

Not from the physical issues that most likely would have plagued me, but, to the deep emotional hurts. He doesn’t even bandage them – but simply touches them with his gentle hands to bloom what once was bruised.

I don’t need much else besides him. He is the all-inclusive package to life.

I can seek him until I am blue in the face, and still uncover greater sustenance.

He’s better than the straight shot of alcohol because his intoxication heads directly into my heart.

He works in me, through me and for me.

to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Col. 1:27

Now I have hope.

What once looked like a world full of hurt, crud yet-to-come and accidents waiting to happen, now looks like a world of hope-at-bay, peace-at-work and joy-yet-to-come.

It’s a mystery, but once you have Jesus in you – it all becomes clear as day.

You don’t have to worry about today, because God holds tomorrow.

You don’t have to fret about lost dreams, because God works beyond our visual screens.

You don’t have to be anxious, because God is working through the piles of trash that seem all around you.

You don’t have to feel alone, because God’s presence is greater than the blue sky that covers.

You simply rest in him, knowing he is working. That is Christ in you.

A person cheating and swindling?  Compassion for their needy heart.
Christ in you.

An obnoxious customer service call? Grace to the one who gets rejected all day long.
Christ in you.

Another call at church to give more money? An outpouring of money to those in need.
Christ in you.

Things you could never comprehend pouring out,
were always poured out by Jesus.
Christ in you.

I am realizing that the only requir

ement is a desire to keep blockages of his glory far, far away. To keep those things that trip you up distanced. That’s it. It’s not even so much that I have to do the hard labor, Christ in me, handles that for me, I just have to be willing to bring it to him.

To acknowledge it – you know, the opposite of deny it.

Then we can see his radiant glory shining out and when it shines it changes everything you look at.  Christ in us. The power is staggering.

Crystal Ball

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She sat there on Bourbon in her small iron chair…. making conversation with herself while smiling into the air… smoke surrounded her making it hard to see… but her eyes seemed almost angelic when she glanced over at me…. I smiled back… unsure of what to do… but her gaze had locked me and I could not move… she had a mysterious grin…. when she pulled back her curtain I had no choice but to follow her in….

We sat at her wooden table… smoke from incense filled the air… I watched her nervously as she reached for my hand… her eyes never left mine… for a brief instant I thought I saw someone else there… for some strange reason they looked blue… I closed my eyes and took a deep breath… I must’ve been seeing things because suddenly her eyes were as green as before….

It felt like she heard my thoughts when she ran her hand across my face….. it felt so familiar… causing my heart to race…. her deep green eyes stared intensely into mine… her fingers traced my cheeks… stopping softly on my lips…. seduction filled her voice when she spoke my name…. her fingers circled my palm and I felt afraid… I had not told her who I was… how does she know my name?
She told me she held my future in a small crystal ball…. I was curious… wondering what she could see…. was it possible that she held the truth of me…. Did she have the answer to heal my broken heart?

Had she seen a way to make these tears stop? She took my hand and placed it on her crystal ball and what I saw made my heart fall… there was no sunshine in this place… only coldness without hope of grace…. tears streamed like waterfalls on a tiny girls face… she was walking alone through the woods… her only light seemed to be a shining star in the black sky…. it hid behind the clouds and I heard her on the brink of another cry… her voice was soft and weak… “please don’t go”,she cried, ” I can’t see anymore without your light”
She sat on the ground alone and afraid… tears ran down my face watching her…. I understood her pain…. I looked across from me and asked the green eyed woman to help this young girl…. send an angel to light her path… give her the star back… please don’t let her stay so lost and afraid…. She only watched me… refusing to speak… I turned my sight to the young girl… she was on her knees, her fingers on a cross as she prayed…. a small gleam came through the sky…. she looked up with a tiny smile…. her weak body laid on the ground… her grey sleepless eyes slowly closed…. her breaths were deep… a tear fell across her cheek as she found her way toward sleep… the light begin to fade… and darkness fell….
I looked up from the ball afraid… I couldn’t see the tiny girl…. I could only hear the frantic noises that begin to invade her dreams…. The green eyed woman moved next to me…. “I can save her” She softly touched my dark hair…. she knew my heart was broken with this girl… her eyes locked with mine… “it won’t cost as much as you may think my sweet girl” I felt fire in her eyes… weakness when she touched my hand….fear when her lips touched mine…. her tongue had a bittersweet taste… it was the taste of sweet destruction… she spoke softly in my ear but I couldn’t understand what she was saying…. I felt something leaving me… it didn’t feel right… “NO”
But her hands felt like blades into my throat silencing my screams…. I could hear the tiny girl begging to breathe….
“I don’t understand why I feel so all alone” she cried…. “someone please help me…”
Her grip became tighter and I knew this could be the death of me….
She watched me struggling to breathe…. I could see her thoughts dancing across her face…
She thought I was too sweet and weak… it was my hopeful dreams that lead me to this place ….but didn’t she understand… this sweet girl was who I had always longed to be… she tortured my mind with what I had lost… reminding me of how my shining star had floated away… she couldn’t understand why I was fighting to keep this love inside of me…. She could see that my pain would never leave…
For a moment I saw tears in her deep green eyes…. I knew she was only wanting to protect me by trying to kill me…. She didn’t want to hurt anymore… she wanted to pretend these smiles were real… she was tired of lying to everyone around her….
Without speaking I reasoned with her… pleading for my life… making her understand that even if I let her win… the pain would still be there…. I had lost the love that I had loved the most…. There was no recovery from this pain….

Even if I let her coldness set in… she would still be lying to everyone she faced…. I couldn’t let her believe that in my death that everything would be ok….
She was stronger than I remember….she didn’t play fair…. She offered empty promises to cure the sleepless nights… to heal the brokenness inside my soul….. she saw me as nothing special… only a girl with foolish dreams….. she reminded me of what I see each time I look into the mirror and I fell into my weakness….. I felt the air leaving my body….

Sadness gripped my heart… knowing if she won, no one would ever find me….
I felt a light shine over my face… he’d come back to save me…. My shining star had come to make me safe…. I felt a small surge of strength rise within… remembering who I was with him…. When I saw his eyes I knew I didn’t want to die…. This shining star was the only thing still keeping me alive…. The love it had given me was the only thing I still prayed and hoped for….
I struggled to get free but her strength would not relent….i knew know who she was…. Everything became so clear….. Lady D was imprinted in the diamonds she wore on her head…. Her glamour and fire I wanted no more…. Living without feeling was the strength of her fortress……she was the beauty and fun that people wanted to see….

But I only longed to be just me….. I fought her kryptonite eyes with memories of my life before she had come back for me….. the love that filled my mind became her weakness….

And she released her grip on my throat… I heard her angry screams as her crystal ball shattered….. I ran fast following the light from a star above…
When I stopped to catch my breath I looked around…. I was back in the woods and I saw the tiny girl asleep on the ground… I sat to watch her sleep… tear stains upon her cheeks…. I knew she was searching for angels in her sleep…. It was how we spent each night…. Roaming through the woods… looking for an angel that held the shape of a star…..
There was no choice here but to accept my fate….

I moved to lay with her…. My fingers touched our cross… prayers moved across my lips…. Darkness began to fall again…

and I knew he was leaving me…. He had a new life that didn’t include me…. Watching his smile felt so bittersweet but I tried to smile back in knowing that for a short time he had come back for me….

It gave me hope that maybe… just maybe… there are times when he still thinks of me…. I could feel my foolish heart still waiting and hoping he would come back for me….. I know in some ways she was right… my sweetness is my worst weakness…. Its something I have no control over…. It’s the effect his light has over me….
I closed my eyes…. Saw his face…. Thankful for the memories that I had taken time to create…. Pieces of me afraid to sleep…. But for tonight…. Those memories helped me win the battle against the other side of me…. So for tonight…. There was no crystal ball… only a star that hid behind the clouds… and a young girl trying to find angels in her sleep….

****

There are time when I read things from my past and I am so very thankful that I am no longer walking though the pain of that kind of heart break. My life and my heart have both been restored.

I no longer battle between the two sides of me. I chose to let goodness rain through me and there has never been a moment that I have regretted it. She is only a memory of someone I used to be.

The only thing looking back can be good for is to remind you of how far you have come.

Brewster

The Faceless Man

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She sits at her window

starring at the stars above

she thinks of the faceless man

who owns a piece of her heart.

She dreams of a ballroom

with chandeliers that glimmer

a dance floor with pink and silver lining.

She can hear the soft music

being played by the orchestra

She looks around

to see she is all alone.

She wonders

if she’ll always feel this lost.

She turns

to see a man walking

through the door.

It is the faceless man

that has haunted her dreams

for so many years.

Her heart begins to race

as he draws near

He holds out his hand..

She hesitates…

Afraid

of what this man might bring…

She feels his eyes full of love looking upon her.

She feels a softness in his heart that she has only dreamed of.

In a faint whisper she hears him say; ” You are not lost You have always been a part of me”

She feels her heart melt and tears begin to burn her eyes.

She can not see his face but she can see his soul.

She feels the pleas of his heart
She sees his hand still held out…

waiting for her acceptance..

She takes his hand, takes her place in his embrace.

She begins to soften in his grip… and realizes She knows this man…..

She knows this heart……

It is the heart of her Father…..

She hears a noise that wakes her from this dreamy state.

She looks out upon the stars as tears fill her eyes…

She sees a twinkling star and wonders if just this once she can be childlike.

She closes her eyes and makes the wish of her heart….

She hopes that God will hear this plea….

She no longer wants dreams of the faceless man…

She now wants the heart of her Father

******

This is something I wrote many years ago, when I was trying to understand my Identity with God and understand him and heal from daddy issues from my biological father.

I Dare You

Art, BeFearless, Believe, Bible, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, Dare, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, Fearless, feelings, girlRgirls, God, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Hope, I_Dare_You, Jesus, LittlePrincess, Live, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, poetry, princesslife, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Strength, Tears, Truth, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

I dare you Young and old mothers alike, to make your life a masterpiece upon which that little family of yours can build. Strong women bring forth strong men, strong women bring forth strong children.

I dare you You who have come from poverty, choose to rise above what was handed down to you, choose to hand a true chance of life to your children.

I dare you To have the qualities of Lincoln.

I dare you To achieve something that will make the future point to you with even more pride than the present is pointing to those who have gone before you.

I dare you To make life obey you, not you it. It is only a shallow dare to do foolish things.

I dare you to do courageous uplifting things.

I dare you To shoulder more responsibility for your life, to joyously launch out into the deep and build yourself magnificently.

I dare you to To win the Noble prize.

I dare you Who think life is humdrum, to become involved.

I dare you To smile when no one is watching.

I dare you Who are weak, to be strong. You who are dull, to sparkle. You who are slaves to life, to become Queens of your destiny.

I dare you To have a “Magnificent Obsession”

I dare you To prove to those who have looked down upon you and those who have said you will never make it, that you can.

I dare you to prove them wrong.

I dare you To have faith in the unseen.

I dare you To lift your head high when you walk into a room.

I dare you To be kind to someone and expect nothing in return.

I dare you To change your future.

I dare you To forgive the person that hurt you.

I dare you To succeed at all that you set your hands to. You can be one of the few who will face life courageously, ready to strike deep into the heart of anything that stands between who you are and who you desire to be. The strength to fight lies deep within you. The warrior within you is only asleep. When you find that strength, when you allow the warrior within to be awaken, you will never be the same. When you allow that spark of hope within you begin to stir, it is then that you will feel that spark turn into a fire that you will feel in the deepest part of you soul. A fire that burns deep within your bones, it will change every part of who you are. You will no longer have to “survive” life, you will begin to ” Live ” it will take courage to let this urge possess you.

Everywhere you look, every corner you turn, every familiar face is telling you that you can’t do it, telling you that you will never rise above, someone trying to convince you to give up because you will never become more than what you are now. Don’t Listen!!!! Refuse to be satisfied with who you are! You have the right and the ability to fulfill the dreams that you once held close to your heart. You can make those dreams a reality. We each have special talents buried within ourselves. The reason the talents lie buried is that we, as women, have lost the courage to dig them up and use them. I challenge you to look within, find your talents, your passions. I challenge you to let them come alive within you again.

I dare you to breathe life into them. The only reason you are not the person you should be is because you don’t dare to be! You have settled, you have become content with life, you have lost hope as you watch life pass you by, you have allowed the demons of your past to hold you back, You have begun a walk down a road of regret but the good news is that you don’t have to take that road. You can change your path, you can choose a different journey. It is necessary to agree that living aggressively changes the complexion of life. So many are prey to fear, you fear losing your job, you fear sickness and hard times, you fear failure, you fear your past. But, remember, courage is not the absence of fear, it is the conquest of it. When you will dare to attack it will be then that you will master your fears. And why dare? Because unless you dare, you can not win. Deep down in every heart is the desire to be somebody, to get somewhere in life, to be able to look back and know that you have done something wonderful. But so often we sit waiting for the opportunity, opportunity does not come to those who wait, they are captured by those who attack.

You need to think bigger, act bigger, to become bigger. You have the ability to do things, if you know where you are going. The world makes way for a man who knows his destination. True, moments of weakness and depression are going to assail you. But that is the time for battle, that is the time where you stand tall and refuse to be taken down. Refuse to allow weakness to overcome you and choose to take your eyes off the circumstance, so that depression can not take form in your mind. You have a body, a brain, a heart and a soul — these are your living tools. To use them is not a task. It is a golden opportunity. To find new capacities within you is not robbing you of any pleasure, it is bringing you new treasures in every waking hour. It is helping you touch life at all angles, absorb strength from all contacts, pour out power on all fronts. The more you pour out, the more you will find to pour.

The more of life’s treasures you keep to yourself, the less you have. The more you share with others, the more you will have yourself. One of life’s greatest rules is this: The more you give, the more you get. One enkindled spirit can set hundreds on fire. We have all had life go wrong for us, whether it was a consequence of our own doing, or a hand that life unfairly dealt us. But we have a choice on how we recover.

There is nothing in life that is too hard to change, the question is and always will be ” How bad do I want change? ”

I challenge you to do an inventory within yourself, be honest with yourself when no one is around and allow yourself to ponder this question. If you truly want it bad enough, you will find the strength to endure until the end. Determine where you are going, have your destination in sight and allow nothing to stand between where you are now and where you are headed. I dare you To decide at this very moment, that your life will never be the same.