I know that before starting any goal you should have a “Why” so when times get hard you can go back and remind yourself why you are doing this particular thing. I chose to start blogging my journey for different reasons, to be open/vulnerable (not my strongest suit in life) and because I know there are other women who struggle and feel the way I do. So for those following me through this Thank YOU! My joining the biggest loser challenge/contest had brought me to a point where I had to ask myself, if I do this, why would I be doing it?
And tonight I’m gonna share that with you. I have several reasons.
* I want to lose weight! I’m tired of looking at myself and being disgusted. I’m tired of looking at old pictures of when I felt “hot” Am I beautiful, hell yes I am haha but I used to FEEL beautiful. I used to enjoy getting dressed up, not for anyone else but for me. I enjoyed taking pictures, of course they won’t be as scandalous as they use to be. But you get the point.
* I want to be healthy! This is a doozy one for me. I’m turning 40 in a week and a half or so. I feel like I should be feeling better than I feel. I have issues physically, a really bad back, bad knees, neck and shoulder issues. They are results from different accidents and so on. But I have children, grandchildren, a man that I fell completely and utterly in love with. I want to live longer than most people do, personally I would love to be immortal but yea totally can’t be, bummer.. anyway I have issues that are hereditary and some that were brought on from an unhealthy lifestyle. I want to change it. I used to work out, I liked it, I like feeling like a badass in the gym, I don’t like feeling old and broken down. I feel weak now so I hide… I hide behind food and a mask that says “I’m totally ok” lies lies lies… I survive each day telling myself lies.
* I want to overcome emotional eating!! It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized I was an emotional eater, a sneak eater. I figured I just loved to eat because hey! I’m from the south, these cajuns cook good food!!! But NO overtime, through prayer and personal inventory I began to realize I was very very much of an emotional eater, trying to fill a void inside of myself buy shoveling food inside of it or sneak eating because I’m ashamed of needing the food to fill the void. I believe this challenge will help me with the strength and confidence I need again to believe in myself and it will give me the strength to fight against the Esau mentality.
* I want to feel brave again!!! I used to be the girl helping everyone, encouraging everyone, the warrior inside of me could breathe. Now I am the one being carried, my warrior feels weak, tired, depleted but there is still a spark of fire I feel from her sometimes, I hear her whisper “Let’s fight this and win, Let’s set you free”
* Depression and Anxiety, ssshhhh it’s the shameful words no one wants to admit too or claim. Yes I suffer with depression and anxiety, if you are not one of my best friends or one of my most lovely coworkers, that comment probably surprised you. Yes I struggle with it, I just don’t put my business out there for everyone, but for the longest time I wouldn’t even admit it. One day I will write just about that because I have ALOT to say on that subject. Anyway, they say working out regularly helps with it and to be honest my depression has gotten worse as I have become more obese. But the medication has caused a lot of the weight gain as well. So if I could even lower my dose I would be happy.
* I can win up to 5K if I actually lose the most weight, that’s a great added motivation!!! Momma needs to pay some bills!!!! The contest is 8 weeks, so if you see me and I don’t smile or if I growl, snap or possibly bite, it’s not you, I’m either tired or hangry.
* And I’m doing it for every girl/woman that is too discouraged to walk into a gym, admit she is an emotional eater, sneak eats, deals with depression or just feels weak. I hope that if you ever come across this blog you feel inspired.
So there it is, the basics anyway 😉
Thank you to all of those who are cheering me on and standing behind me, especially my husband!! No clue what I would do without him sometimes.
Tomorrow is Day 1! Let’s do this!!