Day 2 & 3 

Believe, BeYou, BiggestLoser, Brewster, ChangeYourStars, desperation, DreamAway, DreamBig, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, GymLife, HaveVision, Laughter, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, RealTalk, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth, Vision, Warrior

Ok, so i was wayyyy too tired to write last night. i felt like i was barely making it through doing the routine things we do when we get home. 
so yesterday was Day 2 – went to the gym after work. I took prework out and jumped on the treadmill to get my metabolism moving for spin class. Pre workout kicks in suddenly i feel like Micheal Jackson, moving like a smooth criminal, so a new song comes on and im totally feeling this beat so i up the speed to a power walk speed and get too it. i made it about 2 minutes and my body was like ” CALM THE HELL DOWN WOMAN” so i decreased a little – about 40ish minutes on the treadmill and im sweating glitter! yessss fat is dyinggggggg!!! so i get off and go stretch, my stomach is little iffy, i hate half of a protein bar, drank water and stretched until it was about time for spin. 

Spin is going, the music is loud, the fan is blowing, legs are warmed up and im thinking yeaaaaa i got this, muscle memory will take over and im gonna rock this beast like the old days…. yea… well…. i started getting hot.. sweat.. “yuck ok fine, im gonna have to sweat more – man i”m hungry, oooo those glow lights are pretty” “FOCUS DAVINA” we are on a mission – pre workout is wearing off a little i dont feel the same amount of stamina that i usually feel.

about the 4th track, im dying, keep looking at my phone to see how much longer , thinking well maybe i could leave at the 30 minute mark, i mean come onnnnnnnn, i dont have too go too hard on my first week back… “No No No” i hear, yes its her … the stronger me… ” your gonna do the whole 45 minutes” i argue.. she wins, fine im gonna finish this out. “dang what is that pain” NOW ANYONE WHO HAS EVER DONE SPIN KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ON A BIKE IN A WHILE” Good Lord… you know with the amount of fat on my booty you would think it would make the seats a little softer… NO NO it doesnt… I hear Lori yell – me- yesss its attack time this hurts, up …. down… up…. down… Lori yells.. “make those cheeks touch the seat” So i do…. wellllllllllll… remember earlier when i said my stomach was iffy?? yep…. Everyone Evacuate the dance floor… im jamming, i love this song, push my booty down a bit… **fart rips**

omg – i cant believe i just ripped one, omg, well mine 95% of the time don’t stink, ok whew no body will know. Within seconds this gosh awful smell appears, ya know the protein & eggs rebirth from the attic smell… yes.. I panick a little inside… I’m riding my cycle like a paranoid criminal right now, I hear a small gasp from behind me, out of my peripheral I see the girl on the side of me looking around like what the heck, but it’s the gasp I thinking about… ok so those of you who have never cycled before may not know these bikes are relatively close and when taking this class most ppl are sucking for air supply.. this runs through my mind, how close behind she was at the angle of my bike, but butt came up, fart came out, she takes a deep gasp for air and basically she eats my fart. I’m so embarrassed at this point I don’t look behind me, maybe if I don’t look they can’t guess it’s me, cycle ends, I have no idea who is behind me because I was looking every where but at that bike behind me! I clean my bike, get my trainer to sign my paper, chat for a minute then get out of there. OMG I made it 😂😂😂 

About an hour later it was funny but until then I was looking over my shoulder like the fart police were coming to get me, yes, yes indeed the price you pay for eating cabbage, eggs and protein powder! 
Thank goodness I find humor in nearly everything, one a good day anyway!
Day 3 was good, I’m tired, boot camp was this morning, worked on triceps and abs. Dang my knees! Ate good, logged food and I’m thinking I need sleep, peaceful music and sleep.
Much Love 😘

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Day 1 

BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, BiggestLoser, Chains, ChangeYourStars, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, GodsGirl, GymLife, HaveVision, Hope, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, NomoreChains, RealTalk, Strength, Tears, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

Whew! I did it! I made it through the first day back in training! It’s been about 3 years I believe and I had forgottennnnn, haha Woke up at 3 am, few sips of coffee, workout clothes thrown on, spent a few minutes fighting with my knee braces to get them on, then got out the door! 

Cardio was first , about 25 minutes I think in the parking lot walking, the other girls walked a lap then ran a lap. Lori (my trainer for the next 2 months) walked with me it helped ease my anxiety. Felt like my lower back wanted to cave a few times, extremely short of breath because I’m a smoker, had to stop a couple times, bend over stretch my back, catch my breath BUT I walked the whole time. And I didn’t feel like a loser today, I know I’m basically starting from scratch again and today that’s ok with me BECAUSE IM TRYING!! 

Cardio finishes up and I’m thinking crap boot camp is next, Lori of course takes it easy on me my first day back, hard still? Hell yes it was I felt calories dying and screaming! I also felt my body dying and screaming haha like dang I feel old! Squats made the booty feel good, my knees not so much but I had forgotten how much I both love and hate the burning of getting stronger. 

Lunges, geese ok how do I keep my balance again??!!!! Deadlifts, yea they aren’t always the funnest to do but I know they are good for back strength and this lil mamma needs some back strength. I get on the step bench and I think “Dear God, Please don’t let me tip over and face plant – I feel a giggle- no no God seriously, please don’t let me face plant” haha too some it probably sounds crazy but yes I talk to God in my head through out the day. It helps me. So next is these donkey kicks on your knees or something like that.. but anyway yea… gotta get a fix on that one, my knees are so weak and easily pained it hurt but I’m not one to give in too easily. So I did what I could, then abs, yes even obese I have them they are just temporarily hiding under the pound cake of my stomach. Spasms ugh yes but they weren’t as horrible as usual. 

Stayed on track with my eating and like anything else it takes doing the dang thing and tweaking it along the way.

Tonight I feel tired, a bit sore, a slight pains but I also feel accomplished. 

Thanks to all who have sent encouragement to me! 💖 and a special thanks to my wonderful husband who came with me to the gym and who helps me so much when I just get emotionally overwhelmed these days! 

My Why

BeYou, BiggestLoser, ChangeYourStars, Dare, DreamBig, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, GymLife, Hope, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, RealTalk, Strength, Tears, Truth, Vision, Warrior

I know that before starting any goal you should have a “Why” so when times get hard you can go back and remind yourself why you are doing this particular thing. I chose to start blogging my journey for different reasons, to be open/vulnerable (not my strongest suit in life) and because I know there are other women who struggle and feel the way I do. So for those following me through this Thank YOU! My joining the biggest loser challenge/contest had brought me to a point where I had to ask myself, if I do this, why would I be doing it? 

And tonight I’m gonna share that with you. I have several reasons.
* I want to lose weight! I’m tired of looking at myself and being disgusted. I’m tired of looking at old pictures of when I felt “hot” Am I beautiful, hell yes I am haha but I used to FEEL beautiful. I used to enjoy getting dressed up, not for anyone else but for me. I enjoyed taking pictures, of course they won’t be as scandalous as they use to be. But you get the point. 

* I want to be healthy! This is a doozy one for me. I’m turning 40 in a week and a half or so. I feel like I should be feeling better than I feel. I have issues physically, a really bad back, bad knees, neck and shoulder issues. They are results from different accidents and so on. But I have children, grandchildren, a man that I fell completely and utterly in love with. I want to live longer than most people do, personally I would love to be immortal but yea totally can’t be, bummer.. anyway I have issues that are hereditary and some that were brought on from an unhealthy lifestyle. I want to change it. I used to work out, I liked it, I like feeling like a badass in the gym, I don’t like feeling old and broken down. I feel weak now so I hide… I hide behind food and a mask that says “I’m totally ok” lies lies lies… I survive each day telling myself lies.

* I want to overcome emotional eating!! It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized I was an emotional eater, a sneak eater. I figured I just loved to eat because hey! I’m from the south, these cajuns cook good food!!! But NO overtime, through prayer and personal inventory I began to realize I was very very much of an emotional eater, trying to fill a void inside of myself buy shoveling food inside of it or sneak eating because I’m ashamed of needing the food to fill the void. I believe this challenge will help me with the strength and confidence I need again to believe in myself and it will give me the strength to fight against the Esau mentality.

* I want to feel brave again!!! I used to be the girl helping everyone, encouraging everyone, the warrior inside of me could breathe. Now I am the one being carried, my warrior feels weak, tired, depleted but there is still a spark of fire I feel from her sometimes, I hear her whisper “Let’s fight this and win, Let’s set you free” 

* Depression and Anxiety, ssshhhh it’s the shameful words no one wants to admit too or claim. Yes I suffer with depression and anxiety, if you are not one of my best friends or one of my most lovely coworkers, that comment probably surprised you. Yes I struggle with it, I just don’t put my business out there for everyone, but for the longest time I wouldn’t even admit it. One day I will write just about that because I have ALOT to say on that subject. Anyway, they say working out regularly helps with it and to be honest my depression has gotten worse as I have become more obese. But the medication has caused a lot of the weight gain as well. So if I could even lower my dose I would be happy. 

* I can win up to 5K if I actually lose the most weight, that’s a great added motivation!!! Momma needs to pay some bills!!!! The contest is 8 weeks, so if you see me and I don’t smile or if I growl, snap or possibly bite, it’s not you, I’m either tired or hangry. 

* And I’m doing it for every girl/woman that is too discouraged to walk into a gym, admit she is an emotional eater, sneak eats, deals with depression or just feels weak. I hope that if you ever come across this blog you feel inspired. 
So there it is, the basics anyway 😉

Thank you to all of those who are cheering me on and standing behind me, especially my husband!! No clue what I would do without him sometimes.
Tomorrow is Day 1! Let’s do this!! 

#teamhips 

Pray.Listen.Seek.

Beautiful, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Bible, BibleDevotions, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, desperation, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, God, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, I_Dare_You, Jesus, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, princesslife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Vision, Warrior

Be careful how you walk. Make the most of your time and use it wisely. Don’t waste it. Be Productive. Don’t let God just be there; interact with him. Walk so closely with him that you hear his heartbeat. Pray. Listen. Seek the leading of his Holy Spirit. Begin everyday with God – in payer, in his Word, and in Worship – so that no matter what arises, you are more than ready.

Happily Ever After

Angels, Art, Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Bible, BibleDevotions, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, CrystalBall, Dare, Deception, desperation, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, FacelessMan, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Immortal, Innocent, I_Dare_You, Jesus, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, Phantom, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

Fall in love, Be passionate and fearless, listen to your heart, be thoughtful and generous, believe in yourself and other people, be spontaneous and impulsive, find reasons to smile, stay loyal to your friends, pray everyday, laugh often, make memories and never take life and those you love for granted, crank up the music and hit the dirt roads, serve your community, sing and dance to your favorite silly songs. This is your Happily Ever After!

Journey Of Ice

Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Chains, Disaster, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Immortal, Innocent, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, Phantom, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth

Life is a journey that some of us live… and some of us barely survive it… its full of great moments… and sometimes it’s full of horrid events that we somehow wish was a nightmare… We all walk our own walk… no one can judge the journey we make.. or the path that we take.. no one but us fully understands the scars that lie deep within us…some of us are knocked down quicker than others… some of us are harder to knock down but when we fall… we fall hard and it takes us longer to get up… Its not how many times you fall… nor is it how hard you fall…. it doesnt matter how long it takes you to get up… just so long you get up fighting back… when you stay down… you fail.. you let that person.. that event.. that storm win… the journey will then become cold and bitter… losing all sunshine along that path… People will always hurt you in life… you should never use it as an excuse to hurt someone else purposely… in reality you are not only hurting them but you are also destroying the goodness inside of yourself by allowing the anger of you’re pain take over….you’re heart becomes cold.. Before you know it a storm begins to brew within…the ice flowing from you’re heart will begin to consume anything that lies in its path…causing a loss of anything that resembles humanity… You become this miserable dead man walking through life… unintentionally destroying and sucking the life out of anything that comes into your vision… Anger and Misery are no respecters of person… they don’t care who you are… they don’t care what your name is… they don’t care what your social status is… they don’t care about your family…. they don’t care about your children.. they don’t care about your friends… they don’t care about the innocent bystanders that forsakenly walk into their pathway… The poison within them flows from their eyes and hands…contaminating any object of goodness like a disease… they will consume you and anything you touch… introducing you to the person you will soon hate… Eventually Anger and Misery will have chased away anything that resembles warmth or love…. It will have sucked the blood out of anything that represents life outside of the world they deem to make… they become Lonely… Trapped inside a caged prison built by their own hands…. Tortured within their mind with memories that are racing in circles and faces that are fading into darkness….Silence violently rushes them as death is upon them…. The storm has won…. The heart beats no more… the trail leading back home no longer exists…. There is nothing left but… ICE

2010

DMB

Broken Eyes 

Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, Believe, Brewster, Dreams, GodsGirl, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Judgement, lost, love, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Pain, Phantom, Redemption, Setfree, Strength, Tears, Truth, Vision, Warrior

Her eyes are burned with shattered images of you every time she looks at me…
She sees you when she looks into my deep blue eyes…
My words and mannerisms remind her of you…
My way of thinking and vision show proof that your DNA flows through me.
My face may favor her but everything about me sends flashes of a painful past that she can’t forgive before her broken eyes.
She doesn’t know me…
She thinks I’m you…
She spits fire at my soul..
Burning me while she see’s you.
She hooks invisible strings to my back and hands…
Attempting to move me in ways that will ensure the destruction of the unseen that still hides within me.
She finds failure in my every thought…her screams and venomous words have taken residency in my head, they sing to me with broken harps causing a painful rhythm to dance within me and my eyes to rain with hot liquids that burn the cheeks they fall upon…
How can i blame her for hating the image of me..
She has no idea who I am, how could she when all she can see is you…
I’m not you..
I’m not her..
In fact I’m almost nothing in-between…
The magician has forgotten who i was before i became the prisoner of this tower… before my hands where shackled to walls of hate.. before my heart was shattered into a numbing state…
A young princess crying out for freedom…
My cries go unheard, my knees bow in prayer as I realize without warning I have become the obsession of this magicians broken eyes…
Will my undeserving penance ever be resolved?
Won’t you free me dear magician?
Allow me to smile and dance freely in the oceans of forgiveness….
Written 4/2010 

Strength Training 

BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Bible, BibleDevotions, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, desperation, DontGiveUp, DreamBig, Dreams, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, God, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Innocent, Jesus, Judgement, Live, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Strength, Truth, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

Living like Christ will not come naturally or easy. Just as you would train at a gym for fitness, you must train in the Word for righteousness. When training your body you see no benefits unless you overcome resistance, it is the same with righteousness. The struggle will get real when trying to read the word and deny your self. There will never be perfect conditions to read the Word, you might never feel like it, and every excuse will be available to you, but this is where training begins. Overcome the resistance and watch yourself grow stronger in The Word.

No Fear 

Angels, Art, Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Bible, BibleDevotions, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, CrystalBall, Dare, Deception, desperation, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, FacelessMan, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Immortal, Innocent, I_Dare_You, Jesus, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, Phantom, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth, Uncategorized, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

The thing that our Christian faith promises us is we have a God who is willing to enter into our situation. The Bible says that Jesus became human and experienced a full human life. He did this so that He could bring us out of our dark, sinful lives and into the glorious plan that God has for us. Think about what this means! Right now, your God is walking with you even in your most difficult circumstance. You don’t need to fix it before you go to God. He will come to you and be with you. He will make sure you get through alright. There is nothing to fear. 1 John 4:1(NIV)There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Truth Contest 

Angels, Art, Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Bible, BibleDevotions, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, CrystalBall, Dare, Deception, desperation, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, FacelessMan, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Immortal, Innocent, I_Dare_You, Jesus, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, Phantom, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth, Uncategorized, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

You will be hated by everyone because of My name. But the one who endures to the end will be delivered. (‭Matthew‬ ‭10‬:‭22‬ HCSB)Jesus never promised that following the right path would be easy, in truth there are a few times when he warned over how hard it would be. One scripture is above, so many ppl are so overly concerned about “being liked” “being popular” never wanting to speak up in truth because you are AFRAID of what others think.

I’m not saying be rude about what you believe but you can speak truth in love without being rude. You will have moments when ppl come against you simply for being a Christian, it comes with the territory, stop whining and just deal with it and know that God is near you and he is proud of you for standing, even when you stood alone, YOU stood for him. He will honor you for choosing him and his path over the popularity game that we call life. You have a choice, whom do you serve? God or People. 

Choose Wisely 

Brewster