Happily Ever After

Angels, Art, Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Bible, BibleDevotions, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, CrystalBall, Dare, Deception, desperation, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, FacelessMan, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Immortal, Innocent, I_Dare_You, Jesus, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, Phantom, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

Fall in love, Be passionate and fearless, listen to your heart, be thoughtful and generous, believe in yourself and other people, be spontaneous and impulsive, find reasons to smile, stay loyal to your friends, pray everyday, laugh often, make memories and never take life and those you love for granted, crank up the music and hit the dirt roads, serve your community, sing and dance to your favorite silly songs. This is your Happily Ever After!

Advertisements

Journey Of Ice

Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Chains, Disaster, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Immortal, Innocent, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, Phantom, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth

Life is a journey that some of us live… and some of us barely survive it… its full of great moments… and sometimes it’s full of horrid events that we somehow wish was a nightmare… We all walk our own walk… no one can judge the journey we make.. or the path that we take.. no one but us fully understands the scars that lie deep within us…some of us are knocked down quicker than others… some of us are harder to knock down but when we fall… we fall hard and it takes us longer to get up… Its not how many times you fall… nor is it how hard you fall…. it doesnt matter how long it takes you to get up… just so long you get up fighting back… when you stay down… you fail.. you let that person.. that event.. that storm win… the journey will then become cold and bitter… losing all sunshine along that path… People will always hurt you in life… you should never use it as an excuse to hurt someone else purposely… in reality you are not only hurting them but you are also destroying the goodness inside of yourself by allowing the anger of you’re pain take over….you’re heart becomes cold.. Before you know it a storm begins to brew within…the ice flowing from you’re heart will begin to consume anything that lies in its path…causing a loss of anything that resembles humanity… You become this miserable dead man walking through life… unintentionally destroying and sucking the life out of anything that comes into your vision… Anger and Misery are no respecters of person… they don’t care who you are… they don’t care what your name is… they don’t care what your social status is… they don’t care about your family…. they don’t care about your children.. they don’t care about your friends… they don’t care about the innocent bystanders that forsakenly walk into their pathway… The poison within them flows from their eyes and hands…contaminating any object of goodness like a disease… they will consume you and anything you touch… introducing you to the person you will soon hate… Eventually Anger and Misery will have chased away anything that resembles warmth or love…. It will have sucked the blood out of anything that represents life outside of the world they deem to make… they become Lonely… Trapped inside a caged prison built by their own hands…. Tortured within their mind with memories that are racing in circles and faces that are fading into darkness….Silence violently rushes them as death is upon them…. The storm has won…. The heart beats no more… the trail leading back home no longer exists…. There is nothing left but… ICE

2010

DMB

No Fear 

Angels, Art, Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Bible, BibleDevotions, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, CrystalBall, Dare, Deception, desperation, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, FacelessMan, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Immortal, Innocent, I_Dare_You, Jesus, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, Phantom, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth, Uncategorized, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

The thing that our Christian faith promises us is we have a God who is willing to enter into our situation. The Bible says that Jesus became human and experienced a full human life. He did this so that He could bring us out of our dark, sinful lives and into the glorious plan that God has for us. Think about what this means! Right now, your God is walking with you even in your most difficult circumstance. You don’t need to fix it before you go to God. He will come to you and be with you. He will make sure you get through alright. There is nothing to fear. 1 John 4:1(NIV)There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Truth Contest 

Angels, Art, Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Bible, BibleDevotions, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, CrystalBall, Dare, Deception, desperation, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, FacelessMan, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Immortal, Innocent, I_Dare_You, Jesus, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, Phantom, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth, Uncategorized, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

You will be hated by everyone because of My name. But the one who endures to the end will be delivered. (‭Matthew‬ ‭10‬:‭22‬ HCSB)Jesus never promised that following the right path would be easy, in truth there are a few times when he warned over how hard it would be. One scripture is above, so many ppl are so overly concerned about “being liked” “being popular” never wanting to speak up in truth because you are AFRAID of what others think.

I’m not saying be rude about what you believe but you can speak truth in love without being rude. You will have moments when ppl come against you simply for being a Christian, it comes with the territory, stop whining and just deal with it and know that God is near you and he is proud of you for standing, even when you stood alone, YOU stood for him. He will honor you for choosing him and his path over the popularity game that we call life. You have a choice, whom do you serve? God or People. 

Choose Wisely 

Brewster 

Whispers In The Wind

Angels, Art, Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Bible, BibleDevotions, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, CrystalBall, Dare, Deception, desperation, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, FacelessMan, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Immortal, Innocent, I_Dare_You, Jesus, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, Phantom, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth, UnStoppable, Vision

I wanted to share a moment I had today with this song. I know probably everyone has heard it at some point. I want you to listen to it again. Listen to the words and I want you to vision the lost ppl around you, family, friends, co-workers, the lady working the register at Circle K, the young lady in Walmart that looks full of anger, and hurt… there are so many things and ppl around us that went through my mind when I was listening to this song. Then I had a flash back from about 5 years ago, It was probably 3 or 4 am, I was sitting outside on the steps, I was drunk and listening to this song. I remember listening to this song over and over again, actually several drunk nights I ended up around Godly stuff. See at this time I had recently walked away from everything I knew, my brother had died and it turned my world upside down, my two teenage boys were acting up, to the point where I cried almost every night, I was working 2 jobs, trying to be the best mom I could be because my kids were my world,  in church, in a small group, trying MY hardest to do this God thing.

Even being in church I was dying a self-induced spiritual death, I was dying because I wouldn’t let anyone fully in, yes including God, or should I say ESPECIALLY God. I knew of God, I knew I pretty much believed in him, I had seen miracles in my life, Angels when I was near death several times, so I knew he was real. I just didn’t think he was for me… I didn’t think that he loved me. I mean, come on… If he had loved me, he never would have let me go through everything I have been through. Almost no one knows my full story but there had been lots of pain and very close encounters toward death. I flipped when my brother died, left church, left my small group, stop talking to ppl from church, funny thing is?? It was my way of protecting them, I knew I was slipping bad, all I wanted to do was drink, party, numb the pain. ALL the pain, an entire life of doing the “so called right things” and having it screw me over. I loved my girls, the hardest thing was walking away from them but I couldn’t chance taking them down with me, so I vanished. One day im gonna finally sit and write about all of this for ppl but until then…. Anyway, drunk listening to this song.. wanna know the weird part? Even though I had walked away from church, from God… I often wondered if anyone “Heard Me” did anyone truly understand the pain, lost, hopelessness that I felt inside?

Let me ask you the same thing I asked myself today… Do you hear them??? Do you??? Do you hear the cries for help, the screams of desperation for a way out, a plea for hope…. Do you hear her???? OR have you become so comfortable in “doing life” that you have forgotten where you came from? Have you forgotten how broken you were before someone shared Gods love with you, before someone SHOWED you GODS LOVE. Let me tell you who did that for me, Pastor Shannon Richard. She showed me unconditional God love, through every drunk text message, through every hangover. She never gave up encouraging me, She never grew tired of reminding me of Gods plan for me. My life and who I am has changed because of God and because of 2 women, Shannon Richard and my amazing mentor Tasha Guidry. They invested God’s love into me. Who are you investing God’s love into??? We talk about changing the world, but what part are you playing in the change?? We pay things forward, acts of kindness, which I love love love doing, but how about paying forward ministering to someone who is lost and broken???

You want change in your life??? Then get Radical about God’s Love!! Wake UP, OPEN YOUR EYES, & BE THE CHANGE.

https://youtu.be/OEhRucEVzH8

Cinderella’s Truth

Angels, Beautiful, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, Dare, Deception, desperation, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, FacelessMan, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Immortal, Innocent, I_Dare_You, Jesus, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, Phantom, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth, Uncategorized, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

We have heard the fairytale a million times 

 As a young girl you would dress up and dance in circles pretending to be Cinderella on the night of the ball… 
As a young lady you would drift off into an amazing daydream of the Prince taking your hand and captivating you with a love that would take your world by storm.. 
As a woman you heard his perfect words, you got lost in his touch and you innocently gave your heart expecting him to be the hero that would rescue you from every heartache and would take you to the world of happily ever after… 
As Cinderella you learned there are no perfect words, no heroes, only jaded boys in the body of men and that happily ever after was a myth told to young girls sparking a belief in fairy tale love. 
See Cinderella believed in the myth of love, the idea that this perfect man would come to her, rescue her and love her in a way only she knew she desired.. She believed the fantasy only to crash and burn when she saw the reality of her love hidden fantasy.
She gave up on love, every fantasy, every longing, every desire she through by the wayside as she walked through the coldness of night alone. 
She lived on strength that gotten her though a trivial life, she pushed harder became stronger and she finally began to heal from the damage done to her heart. Tears became smiles, she learned to see herself and love herself, she learned to start living again. 
She stumbled upon this man one day who seemed quite ordinary. 

Only as she got to know him she realized he wasn’t ordinary at all. 

He had the heart of a Prince, the soul of a warrior and smile of a school boy that distracted her in ways that made her heart skip a beat. 
He was a man of honor, a man of dignity, with the passion of a lion and the sweetness of a dove. He taught her the true meaning of love.
 He taught her that Happily Ever After wasn’t a myth, that it was the love of two souls connected from a God above. It was two people living in unison and loving with passion, that it was laughter and giggles on a sunny day, it was quite nights cuddling under the stars, it was breath taking slow dances in the rain with kisses that held the promise of forever. It was two hearts promising to catch the other if one would ever fall. 
Cinderella’s Truth is what should be told to young girls when telling the story of a love from a Prince. 

Eyes Of The Heart

Angels, Art, Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Bible, BibleDevotions, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, CrystalBall, Dare, Deception, desperation, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, FacelessMan, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Immortal, Innocent, I_Dare_You, Jesus, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, Phantom, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth, Uncategorized, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

King David is the perfect example that we cannot “out-sin” Gods ability to forgive.I started reading Beth Moore’s A HEART LIKE HIS: Intimate reflections on the life of David. I love love love David. He was soooo HUMAN!!!!! He loved God and yet failed him often BUT even in his failure he would get down on his knees SHAMELESS and beg for God’s forgiveness, He would beg for God’s help. I think his story is a great example of our own human lives and God’s unfailing love for us.

“1 Samuel 16:7 – The Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. “

How often do we miss out on what God has for us being we are so busy paying attention to the “outward appearance” of things???

God see’s and knows your heart. Trust him today. Know that he will use you despite all the “personal flaws” that you see daily.

Brewster  

 

 

Life by Words 

Art, Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Bible, BibleDevotions, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, Dare, desperation, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Innocent, I_Dare_You, Jesus, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

(watching our words)

 

Did you know that every word you speak has the power to heal OR the power to harm?? You can speak Life to your situation OR you can speak death. You can speak success over your husband and your children OR you can speak failure.  

What words are you using when talking to friends about something that’s going on in your life? What words are you using when you speak about a family member or friend that is going through something?? Are you speaking positive about it OR are you speaking negative?? Many people “blame the devil” for everything… seriously I believe we give him FAR more credit than he deserves. Many of us are cursing our own lives by the words we carelessly throw around. Speak blessings!!!!!! Stop cursing your own life!!!!! I dealt with this personally for a very long time. My life began to shift tremendously when I started changing the way that I spoke about things going on, IF I spoke at all. I began to learn when I needed to speak about problems and when I just needed to shut up and give them to God.

The way that you speak also affects those around you. The words you speak can uplift and inspire people to love, to laugh, to achieve greatness, to believe in themselves. Your words can also do the opposite of good, it can instill a sense of fear, hatred, hopelessness, failure, doubt, belittled, hurt.

The true power of words is mentioned many times throughout the bible.

 

Here are a few: 

The bible which is the word of God tells us that “The tongue has the power of life and death, and tho who love it will eat its fruit (proverbs 18:21)

For as a man “thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7)

“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34

 A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! My friends, this can’t go on. A spring doesn’t gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don’t bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don’t bear apples, do they? You’re not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you? (James 3:5-12)

 

“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4)

“The one who guards his mouth protects his life; the one who opens his lips invites his own ruin” (Proverbs 13:3)

God Spoke to Adam about his sin. He said to Adam “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten from the tree…” (Genesis 3:17)

 

WOW right??? That’s just good stuff right there.

Did you catch that last verse??? What might have happen if Eve had not listened to the enemy and had not spoken rebellion into her husband’s life???!!!! How different would things have been?? Yes Adam made the decision to sin, but it was the power of Eve’s words that influenced him into rebellion. <OUCH>

From the beginning we have been dealing with this issue!! Maybe…. JUST MAYBE, it’s time to deal with this.

The way you use and CHOOSE words defines who you are, without really thinking about it, you can change another’s thoughts and beliefs and actions by the power of your words. Kinda scary once you think about that right???

I try to do an inventory often about the things that I speak, which means I do an inside Inventory of my mind, my heart, my spirit.

How?? Well, it’s pretty simple. It’s called seeking the Spirit of God, his sweet Holy Spirit. If you are unsure about the way you speak. Ask the Holy Spirit, ask him to reveal to you when you say things that you shouldn’t say, Speak awareness over your mind. The Holy Spirit is your counselor, your guidance, if you ask him for help, he will help you. He will guide the things you say, he will give you discernment of when you should speak and when you should shut up.  

So today, spend a few minutes, take an inventory of the words you speak. Could you use some change in this area??

Brewster

 

The Leech Factor

Art, Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Bible, BibleDevotions, Brewster, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, Goddess, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Hope, Immortal, I_Dare_You, Jesus, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength

Without Jesus I’d be like a car accident with no repair shop,
a mental-case of self-doubt,
a walking shot of vodka times twenty.

Without Jesus in me,
I would travel from place to place
as a leech seeking my next feel-good prey.

That would be me.

You know what the crazy part is?

I’ve realized it’s ok if I still leech. Jesus doesn’t mind how much I leech on to him.

I can grasp on, pull out everything that IS him and still get every ounce of what I desperately need. I pull in all of his goodness to breathe out all of it wherever I go.

Jesus practically says leech off of me
and I will give you all-surpassing peace.

You will keep in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Is. 26:3

I never thought it should work that way. But, it does. It really does.

He is the rescuer, the ambulance, the paramedic who now runs to my rescue.

Not from the physical issues that most likely would have plagued me, but, to the deep emotional hurts. He doesn’t even bandage them – but simply touches them with his gentle hands to bloom what once was bruised.

I don’t need much else besides him. He is the all-inclusive package to life.

I can seek him until I am blue in the face, and still uncover greater sustenance.

He’s better than the straight shot of alcohol because his intoxication heads directly into my heart.

He works in me, through me and for me.

to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Col. 1:27

Now I have hope.

What once looked like a world full of hurt, crud yet-to-come and accidents waiting to happen, now looks like a world of hope-at-bay, peace-at-work and joy-yet-to-come.

It’s a mystery, but once you have Jesus in you – it all becomes clear as day.

You don’t have to worry about today, because God holds tomorrow.

You don’t have to fret about lost dreams, because God works beyond our visual screens.

You don’t have to be anxious, because God is working through the piles of trash that seem all around you.

You don’t have to feel alone, because God’s presence is greater than the blue sky that covers.

You simply rest in him, knowing he is working. That is Christ in you.

A person cheating and swindling?  Compassion for their needy heart.
Christ in you.

An obnoxious customer service call? Grace to the one who gets rejected all day long.
Christ in you.

Another call at church to give more money? An outpouring of money to those in need.
Christ in you.

Things you could never comprehend pouring out,
were always poured out by Jesus.
Christ in you.

I am realizing that the only requir

ement is a desire to keep blockages of his glory far, far away. To keep those things that trip you up distanced. That’s it. It’s not even so much that I have to do the hard labor, Christ in me, handles that for me, I just have to be willing to bring it to him.

To acknowledge it – you know, the opposite of deny it.

Then we can see his radiant glory shining out and when it shines it changes everything you look at.  Christ in us. The power is staggering.

Crystal Ball

Angels, Art, Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, Bible, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, CrystalBall, Dare, Deception, desperation, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, FacelessMan, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Heartache, Hope, I_Dare_You, Jesus, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, poetry, princesslife, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Setfree, Strength, Tears, Truth, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

She sat there on Bourbon in her small iron chair…. making conversation with herself while smiling into the air… smoke surrounded her making it hard to see… but her eyes seemed almost angelic when she glanced over at me…. I smiled back… unsure of what to do… but her gaze had locked me and I could not move… she had a mysterious grin…. when she pulled back her curtain I had no choice but to follow her in….

We sat at her wooden table… smoke from incense filled the air… I watched her nervously as she reached for my hand… her eyes never left mine… for a brief instant I thought I saw someone else there… for some strange reason they looked blue… I closed my eyes and took a deep breath… I must’ve been seeing things because suddenly her eyes were as green as before….

It felt like she heard my thoughts when she ran her hand across my face….. it felt so familiar… causing my heart to race…. her deep green eyes stared intensely into mine… her fingers traced my cheeks… stopping softly on my lips…. seduction filled her voice when she spoke my name…. her fingers circled my palm and I felt afraid… I had not told her who I was… how does she know my name?
She told me she held my future in a small crystal ball…. I was curious… wondering what she could see…. was it possible that she held the truth of me…. Did she have the answer to heal my broken heart?

Had she seen a way to make these tears stop? She took my hand and placed it on her crystal ball and what I saw made my heart fall… there was no sunshine in this place… only coldness without hope of grace…. tears streamed like waterfalls on a tiny girls face… she was walking alone through the woods… her only light seemed to be a shining star in the black sky…. it hid behind the clouds and I heard her on the brink of another cry… her voice was soft and weak… “please don’t go”,she cried, ” I can’t see anymore without your light”
She sat on the ground alone and afraid… tears ran down my face watching her…. I understood her pain…. I looked across from me and asked the green eyed woman to help this young girl…. send an angel to light her path… give her the star back… please don’t let her stay so lost and afraid…. She only watched me… refusing to speak… I turned my sight to the young girl… she was on her knees, her fingers on a cross as she prayed…. a small gleam came through the sky…. she looked up with a tiny smile…. her weak body laid on the ground… her grey sleepless eyes slowly closed…. her breaths were deep… a tear fell across her cheek as she found her way toward sleep… the light begin to fade… and darkness fell….
I looked up from the ball afraid… I couldn’t see the tiny girl…. I could only hear the frantic noises that begin to invade her dreams…. The green eyed woman moved next to me…. “I can save her” She softly touched my dark hair…. she knew my heart was broken with this girl… her eyes locked with mine… “it won’t cost as much as you may think my sweet girl” I felt fire in her eyes… weakness when she touched my hand….fear when her lips touched mine…. her tongue had a bittersweet taste… it was the taste of sweet destruction… she spoke softly in my ear but I couldn’t understand what she was saying…. I felt something leaving me… it didn’t feel right… “NO”
But her hands felt like blades into my throat silencing my screams…. I could hear the tiny girl begging to breathe….
“I don’t understand why I feel so all alone” she cried…. “someone please help me…”
Her grip became tighter and I knew this could be the death of me….
She watched me struggling to breathe…. I could see her thoughts dancing across her face…
She thought I was too sweet and weak… it was my hopeful dreams that lead me to this place ….but didn’t she understand… this sweet girl was who I had always longed to be… she tortured my mind with what I had lost… reminding me of how my shining star had floated away… she couldn’t understand why I was fighting to keep this love inside of me…. She could see that my pain would never leave…
For a moment I saw tears in her deep green eyes…. I knew she was only wanting to protect me by trying to kill me…. She didn’t want to hurt anymore… she wanted to pretend these smiles were real… she was tired of lying to everyone around her….
Without speaking I reasoned with her… pleading for my life… making her understand that even if I let her win… the pain would still be there…. I had lost the love that I had loved the most…. There was no recovery from this pain….

Even if I let her coldness set in… she would still be lying to everyone she faced…. I couldn’t let her believe that in my death that everything would be ok….
She was stronger than I remember….she didn’t play fair…. She offered empty promises to cure the sleepless nights… to heal the brokenness inside my soul….. she saw me as nothing special… only a girl with foolish dreams….. she reminded me of what I see each time I look into the mirror and I fell into my weakness….. I felt the air leaving my body….

Sadness gripped my heart… knowing if she won, no one would ever find me….
I felt a light shine over my face… he’d come back to save me…. My shining star had come to make me safe…. I felt a small surge of strength rise within… remembering who I was with him…. When I saw his eyes I knew I didn’t want to die…. This shining star was the only thing still keeping me alive…. The love it had given me was the only thing I still prayed and hoped for….
I struggled to get free but her strength would not relent….i knew know who she was…. Everything became so clear….. Lady D was imprinted in the diamonds she wore on her head…. Her glamour and fire I wanted no more…. Living without feeling was the strength of her fortress……she was the beauty and fun that people wanted to see….

But I only longed to be just me….. I fought her kryptonite eyes with memories of my life before she had come back for me….. the love that filled my mind became her weakness….

And she released her grip on my throat… I heard her angry screams as her crystal ball shattered….. I ran fast following the light from a star above…
When I stopped to catch my breath I looked around…. I was back in the woods and I saw the tiny girl asleep on the ground… I sat to watch her sleep… tear stains upon her cheeks…. I knew she was searching for angels in her sleep…. It was how we spent each night…. Roaming through the woods… looking for an angel that held the shape of a star…..
There was no choice here but to accept my fate….

I moved to lay with her…. My fingers touched our cross… prayers moved across my lips…. Darkness began to fall again…

and I knew he was leaving me…. He had a new life that didn’t include me…. Watching his smile felt so bittersweet but I tried to smile back in knowing that for a short time he had come back for me….

It gave me hope that maybe… just maybe… there are times when he still thinks of me…. I could feel my foolish heart still waiting and hoping he would come back for me….. I know in some ways she was right… my sweetness is my worst weakness…. Its something I have no control over…. It’s the effect his light has over me….
I closed my eyes…. Saw his face…. Thankful for the memories that I had taken time to create…. Pieces of me afraid to sleep…. But for tonight…. Those memories helped me win the battle against the other side of me…. So for tonight…. There was no crystal ball… only a star that hid behind the clouds… and a young girl trying to find angels in her sleep….

****

There are time when I read things from my past and I am so very thankful that I am no longer walking though the pain of that kind of heart break. My life and my heart have both been restored.

I no longer battle between the two sides of me. I chose to let goodness rain through me and there has never been a moment that I have regretted it. She is only a memory of someone I used to be.

The only thing looking back can be good for is to remind you of how far you have come.

Brewster