My Why

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I know that before starting any goal you should have a “Why” so when times get hard you can go back and remind yourself why you are doing this particular thing. I chose to start blogging my journey for different reasons, to be open/vulnerable (not my strongest suit in life) and because I know there are other women who struggle and feel the way I do. So for those following me through this Thank YOU! My joining the biggest loser challenge/contest had brought me to a point where I had to ask myself, if I do this, why would I be doing it? 

And tonight I’m gonna share that with you. I have several reasons.
* I want to lose weight! I’m tired of looking at myself and being disgusted. I’m tired of looking at old pictures of when I felt “hot” Am I beautiful, hell yes I am haha but I used to FEEL beautiful. I used to enjoy getting dressed up, not for anyone else but for me. I enjoyed taking pictures, of course they won’t be as scandalous as they use to be. But you get the point. 

* I want to be healthy! This is a doozy one for me. I’m turning 40 in a week and a half or so. I feel like I should be feeling better than I feel. I have issues physically, a really bad back, bad knees, neck and shoulder issues. They are results from different accidents and so on. But I have children, grandchildren, a man that I fell completely and utterly in love with. I want to live longer than most people do, personally I would love to be immortal but yea totally can’t be, bummer.. anyway I have issues that are hereditary and some that were brought on from an unhealthy lifestyle. I want to change it. I used to work out, I liked it, I like feeling like a badass in the gym, I don’t like feeling old and broken down. I feel weak now so I hide… I hide behind food and a mask that says “I’m totally ok” lies lies lies… I survive each day telling myself lies.

* I want to overcome emotional eating!! It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized I was an emotional eater, a sneak eater. I figured I just loved to eat because hey! I’m from the south, these cajuns cook good food!!! But NO overtime, through prayer and personal inventory I began to realize I was very very much of an emotional eater, trying to fill a void inside of myself buy shoveling food inside of it or sneak eating because I’m ashamed of needing the food to fill the void. I believe this challenge will help me with the strength and confidence I need again to believe in myself and it will give me the strength to fight against the Esau mentality.

* I want to feel brave again!!! I used to be the girl helping everyone, encouraging everyone, the warrior inside of me could breathe. Now I am the one being carried, my warrior feels weak, tired, depleted but there is still a spark of fire I feel from her sometimes, I hear her whisper “Let’s fight this and win, Let’s set you free” 

* Depression and Anxiety, ssshhhh it’s the shameful words no one wants to admit too or claim. Yes I suffer with depression and anxiety, if you are not one of my best friends or one of my most lovely coworkers, that comment probably surprised you. Yes I struggle with it, I just don’t put my business out there for everyone, but for the longest time I wouldn’t even admit it. One day I will write just about that because I have ALOT to say on that subject. Anyway, they say working out regularly helps with it and to be honest my depression has gotten worse as I have become more obese. But the medication has caused a lot of the weight gain as well. So if I could even lower my dose I would be happy. 

* I can win up to 5K if I actually lose the most weight, that’s a great added motivation!!! Momma needs to pay some bills!!!! The contest is 8 weeks, so if you see me and I don’t smile or if I growl, snap or possibly bite, it’s not you, I’m either tired or hangry. 

* And I’m doing it for every girl/woman that is too discouraged to walk into a gym, admit she is an emotional eater, sneak eats, deals with depression or just feels weak. I hope that if you ever come across this blog you feel inspired. 
So there it is, the basics anyway 😉

Thank you to all of those who are cheering me on and standing behind me, especially my husband!! No clue what I would do without him sometimes.
Tomorrow is Day 1! Let’s do this!! 

#teamhips 

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Happily Ever After

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Fall in love, Be passionate and fearless, listen to your heart, be thoughtful and generous, believe in yourself and other people, be spontaneous and impulsive, find reasons to smile, stay loyal to your friends, pray everyday, laugh often, make memories and never take life and those you love for granted, crank up the music and hit the dirt roads, serve your community, sing and dance to your favorite silly songs. This is your Happily Ever After!

Love Revolution 

Believe, BeYou, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, Faith, Fearless, feelings, God, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Hope, I_Dare_You, Jesus, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, NomoreChains, poetry, princesslife, RealTalk, Smile, Truth, Vision, Warrior

I want my love for Jesus to be reflected in the way I show love for others, even those who may be difficult to love. If I can soften one hard heart with the love of God, maybe that person will soften another’s heart with love, then that one will reach out to others, and so on and so on… And soon we’ll have a love revolution!

Journey Of Ice

Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, Chains, Disaster, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, Goddess, Healing, Heartache, Hope, Immortal, Innocent, Judgement, laugh, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, lost, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, Phantom, poetry, princesslife, PrivateAccusations, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Salvation, Setfree, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth

Life is a journey that some of us live… and some of us barely survive it… its full of great moments… and sometimes it’s full of horrid events that we somehow wish was a nightmare… We all walk our own walk… no one can judge the journey we make.. or the path that we take.. no one but us fully understands the scars that lie deep within us…some of us are knocked down quicker than others… some of us are harder to knock down but when we fall… we fall hard and it takes us longer to get up… Its not how many times you fall… nor is it how hard you fall…. it doesnt matter how long it takes you to get up… just so long you get up fighting back… when you stay down… you fail.. you let that person.. that event.. that storm win… the journey will then become cold and bitter… losing all sunshine along that path… People will always hurt you in life… you should never use it as an excuse to hurt someone else purposely… in reality you are not only hurting them but you are also destroying the goodness inside of yourself by allowing the anger of you’re pain take over….you’re heart becomes cold.. Before you know it a storm begins to brew within…the ice flowing from you’re heart will begin to consume anything that lies in its path…causing a loss of anything that resembles humanity… You become this miserable dead man walking through life… unintentionally destroying and sucking the life out of anything that comes into your vision… Anger and Misery are no respecters of person… they don’t care who you are… they don’t care what your name is… they don’t care what your social status is… they don’t care about your family…. they don’t care about your children.. they don’t care about your friends… they don’t care about the innocent bystanders that forsakenly walk into their pathway… The poison within them flows from their eyes and hands…contaminating any object of goodness like a disease… they will consume you and anything you touch… introducing you to the person you will soon hate… Eventually Anger and Misery will have chased away anything that resembles warmth or love…. It will have sucked the blood out of anything that represents life outside of the world they deem to make… they become Lonely… Trapped inside a caged prison built by their own hands…. Tortured within their mind with memories that are racing in circles and faces that are fading into darkness….Silence violently rushes them as death is upon them…. The storm has won…. The heart beats no more… the trail leading back home no longer exists…. There is nothing left but… ICE

2010

DMB

No Fear 

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The thing that our Christian faith promises us is we have a God who is willing to enter into our situation. The Bible says that Jesus became human and experienced a full human life. He did this so that He could bring us out of our dark, sinful lives and into the glorious plan that God has for us. Think about what this means! Right now, your God is walking with you even in your most difficult circumstance. You don’t need to fix it before you go to God. He will come to you and be with you. He will make sure you get through alright. There is nothing to fear. 1 John 4:1(NIV)There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Truth Contest 

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You will be hated by everyone because of My name. But the one who endures to the end will be delivered. (‭Matthew‬ ‭10‬:‭22‬ HCSB)Jesus never promised that following the right path would be easy, in truth there are a few times when he warned over how hard it would be. One scripture is above, so many ppl are so overly concerned about “being liked” “being popular” never wanting to speak up in truth because you are AFRAID of what others think.

I’m not saying be rude about what you believe but you can speak truth in love without being rude. You will have moments when ppl come against you simply for being a Christian, it comes with the territory, stop whining and just deal with it and know that God is near you and he is proud of you for standing, even when you stood alone, YOU stood for him. He will honor you for choosing him and his path over the popularity game that we call life. You have a choice, whom do you serve? God or People. 

Choose Wisely 

Brewster 

Whispers In The Wind

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I wanted to share a moment I had today with this song. I know probably everyone has heard it at some point. I want you to listen to it again. Listen to the words and I want you to vision the lost ppl around you, family, friends, co-workers, the lady working the register at Circle K, the young lady in Walmart that looks full of anger, and hurt… there are so many things and ppl around us that went through my mind when I was listening to this song. Then I had a flash back from about 5 years ago, It was probably 3 or 4 am, I was sitting outside on the steps, I was drunk and listening to this song. I remember listening to this song over and over again, actually several drunk nights I ended up around Godly stuff. See at this time I had recently walked away from everything I knew, my brother had died and it turned my world upside down, my two teenage boys were acting up, to the point where I cried almost every night, I was working 2 jobs, trying to be the best mom I could be because my kids were my world,  in church, in a small group, trying MY hardest to do this God thing.

Even being in church I was dying a self-induced spiritual death, I was dying because I wouldn’t let anyone fully in, yes including God, or should I say ESPECIALLY God. I knew of God, I knew I pretty much believed in him, I had seen miracles in my life, Angels when I was near death several times, so I knew he was real. I just didn’t think he was for me… I didn’t think that he loved me. I mean, come on… If he had loved me, he never would have let me go through everything I have been through. Almost no one knows my full story but there had been lots of pain and very close encounters toward death. I flipped when my brother died, left church, left my small group, stop talking to ppl from church, funny thing is?? It was my way of protecting them, I knew I was slipping bad, all I wanted to do was drink, party, numb the pain. ALL the pain, an entire life of doing the “so called right things” and having it screw me over. I loved my girls, the hardest thing was walking away from them but I couldn’t chance taking them down with me, so I vanished. One day im gonna finally sit and write about all of this for ppl but until then…. Anyway, drunk listening to this song.. wanna know the weird part? Even though I had walked away from church, from God… I often wondered if anyone “Heard Me” did anyone truly understand the pain, lost, hopelessness that I felt inside?

Let me ask you the same thing I asked myself today… Do you hear them??? Do you??? Do you hear the cries for help, the screams of desperation for a way out, a plea for hope…. Do you hear her???? OR have you become so comfortable in “doing life” that you have forgotten where you came from? Have you forgotten how broken you were before someone shared Gods love with you, before someone SHOWED you GODS LOVE. Let me tell you who did that for me, Pastor Shannon Richard. She showed me unconditional God love, through every drunk text message, through every hangover. She never gave up encouraging me, She never grew tired of reminding me of Gods plan for me. My life and who I am has changed because of God and because of 2 women, Shannon Richard and my amazing mentor Tasha Guidry. They invested God’s love into me. Who are you investing God’s love into??? We talk about changing the world, but what part are you playing in the change?? We pay things forward, acts of kindness, which I love love love doing, but how about paying forward ministering to someone who is lost and broken???

You want change in your life??? Then get Radical about God’s Love!! Wake UP, OPEN YOUR EYES, & BE THE CHANGE.

https://youtu.be/OEhRucEVzH8

Cinderella’s Truth

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We have heard the fairytale a million times 

 As a young girl you would dress up and dance in circles pretending to be Cinderella on the night of the ball… 
As a young lady you would drift off into an amazing daydream of the Prince taking your hand and captivating you with a love that would take your world by storm.. 
As a woman you heard his perfect words, you got lost in his touch and you innocently gave your heart expecting him to be the hero that would rescue you from every heartache and would take you to the world of happily ever after… 
As Cinderella you learned there are no perfect words, no heroes, only jaded boys in the body of men and that happily ever after was a myth told to young girls sparking a belief in fairy tale love. 
See Cinderella believed in the myth of love, the idea that this perfect man would come to her, rescue her and love her in a way only she knew she desired.. She believed the fantasy only to crash and burn when she saw the reality of her love hidden fantasy.
She gave up on love, every fantasy, every longing, every desire she through by the wayside as she walked through the coldness of night alone. 
She lived on strength that gotten her though a trivial life, she pushed harder became stronger and she finally began to heal from the damage done to her heart. Tears became smiles, she learned to see herself and love herself, she learned to start living again. 
She stumbled upon this man one day who seemed quite ordinary. 

Only as she got to know him she realized he wasn’t ordinary at all. 

He had the heart of a Prince, the soul of a warrior and smile of a school boy that distracted her in ways that made her heart skip a beat. 
He was a man of honor, a man of dignity, with the passion of a lion and the sweetness of a dove. He taught her the true meaning of love.
 He taught her that Happily Ever After wasn’t a myth, that it was the love of two souls connected from a God above. It was two people living in unison and loving with passion, that it was laughter and giggles on a sunny day, it was quite nights cuddling under the stars, it was breath taking slow dances in the rain with kisses that held the promise of forever. It was two hearts promising to catch the other if one would ever fall. 
Cinderella’s Truth is what should be told to young girls when telling the story of a love from a Prince. 

Never Alone 

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God has never called anyone to a task and then abandoned him or her by the side of the road. If we fear what God wants us to do, our perspective needs adjusting so that we focus not on the size of the job but on the size of God.God has a consistent promise to accompany us on the journey. He never says, “You go, and I’ll wait here for you.” He says, “Let’s go. I’m right beside you.”

Eyes Of The Heart

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King David is the perfect example that we cannot “out-sin” Gods ability to forgive.I started reading Beth Moore’s A HEART LIKE HIS: Intimate reflections on the life of David. I love love love David. He was soooo HUMAN!!!!! He loved God and yet failed him often BUT even in his failure he would get down on his knees SHAMELESS and beg for God’s forgiveness, He would beg for God’s help. I think his story is a great example of our own human lives and God’s unfailing love for us.

“1 Samuel 16:7 – The Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. “

How often do we miss out on what God has for us being we are so busy paying attention to the “outward appearance” of things???

God see’s and knows your heart. Trust him today. Know that he will use you despite all the “personal flaws” that you see daily.

Brewster