Day 2 & 3ย 

Believe, BeYou, BiggestLoser, Brewster, ChangeYourStars, desperation, DreamAway, DreamBig, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, GymLife, HaveVision, Laughter, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, RealTalk, Smile, Strength, Tears, Truth, Vision, Warrior

Ok, so i was wayyyy too tired to write last night. i felt like i was barely making it through doing the routine things we do when we get home. 
so yesterday was Day 2 – went to the gym after work. I took prework out and jumped on the treadmill to get my metabolism moving for spin class. Pre workout kicks in suddenly i feel like Micheal Jackson, moving like a smooth criminal, so a new song comes on and im totally feeling this beat so i up the speed to a power walk speed and get too it. i made it about 2 minutes and my body was like ” CALM THE HELL DOWN WOMAN” so i decreased a little – about 40ish minutes on the treadmill and im sweating glitter! yessss fat is dyinggggggg!!! so i get off and go stretch, my stomach is little iffy, i hate half of a protein bar, drank water and stretched until it was about time for spin. 

Spin is going, the music is loud, the fan is blowing, legs are warmed up and im thinking yeaaaaa i got this, muscle memory will take over and im gonna rock this beast like the old days…. yea… well…. i started getting hot.. sweat.. “yuck ok fine, im gonna have to sweat more – man i”m hungry, oooo those glow lights are pretty” “FOCUS DAVINA” we are on a mission – pre workout is wearing off a little i dont feel the same amount of stamina that i usually feel.

about the 4th track, im dying, keep looking at my phone to see how much longer , thinking well maybe i could leave at the 30 minute mark, i mean come onnnnnnnn, i dont have too go too hard on my first week back… “No No No” i hear, yes its her … the stronger me… ” your gonna do the whole 45 minutes” i argue.. she wins, fine im gonna finish this out. “dang what is that pain” NOW ANYONE WHO HAS EVER DONE SPIN KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ON A BIKE IN A WHILE” Good Lord… you know with the amount of fat on my booty you would think it would make the seats a little softer… NO NO it doesnt… I hear Lori yell – me- yesss its attack time this hurts, up …. down… up…. down… Lori yells.. “make those cheeks touch the seat” So i do…. wellllllllllll… remember earlier when i said my stomach was iffy?? yep…. Everyone Evacuate the dance floor… im jamming, i love this song, push my booty down a bit… **fart rips**

omg – i cant believe i just ripped one, omg, well mine 95% of the time don’t stink, ok whew no body will know. Within seconds this gosh awful smell appears, ya know the protein & eggs rebirth from the attic smell… yes.. I panick a little inside… I’m riding my cycle like a paranoid criminal right now, I hear a small gasp from behind me, out of my peripheral I see the girl on the side of me looking around like what the heck, but it’s the gasp I thinking about… ok so those of you who have never cycled before may not know these bikes are relatively close and when taking this class most ppl are sucking for air supply.. this runs through my mind, how close behind she was at the angle of my bike, but butt came up, fart came out, she takes a deep gasp for air and basically she eats my fart. I’m so embarrassed at this point I don’t look behind me, maybe if I don’t look they can’t guess it’s me, cycle ends, I have no idea who is behind me because I was looking every where but at that bike behind me! I clean my bike, get my trainer to sign my paper, chat for a minute then get out of there. OMG I made it ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ 

About an hour later it was funny but until then I was looking over my shoulder like the fart police were coming to get me, yes, yes indeed the price you pay for eating cabbage, eggs and protein powder! 
Thank goodness I find humor in nearly everything, one a good day anyway!
Day 3 was good, I’m tired, boot camp was this morning, worked on triceps and abs. Dang my knees! Ate good, logged food and I’m thinking I need sleep, peaceful music and sleep.
Much Love ๐Ÿ˜˜


Day 1ย 

BeFearless, Believe, BeYou, BiggestLoser, Chains, ChangeYourStars, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, GodsGirl, GymLife, HaveVision, Hope, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, NomoreChains, RealTalk, Strength, Tears, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

Whew! I did it! I made it through the first day back in training! It’s been about 3 years I believe and I had forgottennnnn, haha Woke up at 3 am, few sips of coffee, workout clothes thrown on, spent a few minutes fighting with my knee braces to get them on, then got out the door! 

Cardio was first , about 25 minutes I think in the parking lot walking, the other girls walked a lap then ran a lap. Lori (my trainer for the next 2 months) walked with me it helped ease my anxiety. Felt like my lower back wanted to cave a few times, extremely short of breath because I’m a smoker, had to stop a couple times, bend over stretch my back, catch my breath BUT I walked the whole time. And I didn’t feel like a loser today, I know I’m basically starting from scratch again and today that’s ok with me BECAUSE IM TRYING!! 

Cardio finishes up and I’m thinking crap boot camp is next, Lori of course takes it easy on me my first day back, hard still? Hell yes it was I felt calories dying and screaming! I also felt my body dying and screaming haha like dang I feel old! Squats made the booty feel good, my knees not so much but I had forgotten how much I both love and hate the burning of getting stronger. 

Lunges, geese ok how do I keep my balance again??!!!! Deadlifts, yea they aren’t always the funnest to do but I know they are good for back strength and this lil mamma needs some back strength. I get on the step bench and I think “Dear God, Please don’t let me tip over and face plant – I feel a giggle- no no God seriously, please don’t let me face plant” haha too some it probably sounds crazy but yes I talk to God in my head through out the day. It helps me. So next is these donkey kicks on your knees or something like that.. but anyway yea… gotta get a fix on that one, my knees are so weak and easily pained it hurt but I’m not one to give in too easily. So I did what I could, then abs, yes even obese I have them they are just temporarily hiding under the pound cake of my stomach. Spasms ugh yes but they weren’t as horrible as usual. 

Stayed on track with my eating and like anything else it takes doing the dang thing and tweaking it along the way.

Tonight I feel tired, a bit sore, a slight pains but I also feel accomplished. 

Thanks to all who have sent encouragement to me! ๐Ÿ’– and a special thanks to my wonderful husband who came with me to the gym and who helps me so much when I just get emotionally overwhelmed these days! 

My Why

BeYou, BiggestLoser, ChangeYourStars, Dare, DreamBig, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, GymLife, Hope, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, RealTalk, Strength, Tears, Truth, Vision, Warrior

I know that before starting any goal you should have a “Why” so when times get hard you can go back and remind yourself why you are doing this particular thing. I chose to start blogging my journey for different reasons, to be open/vulnerable (not my strongest suit in life) and because I know there are other women who struggle and feel the way I do. So for those following me through this Thank YOU! My joining the biggest loser challenge/contest had brought me to a point where I had to ask myself, if I do this, why would I be doing it? 

And tonight I’m gonna share that with you. I have several reasons.
* I want to lose weight! I’m tired of looking at myself and being disgusted. I’m tired of looking at old pictures of when I felt “hot” Am I beautiful, hell yes I am haha but I used to FEEL beautiful. I used to enjoy getting dressed up, not for anyone else but for me. I enjoyed taking pictures, of course they won’t be as scandalous as they use to be. But you get the point. 

* I want to be healthy! This is a doozy one for me. I’m turning 40 in a week and a half or so. I feel like I should be feeling better than I feel. I have issues physically, a really bad back, bad knees, neck and shoulder issues. They are results from different accidents and so on. But I have children, grandchildren, a man that I fell completely and utterly in love with. I want to live longer than most people do, personally I would love to be immortal but yea totally can’t be, bummer.. anyway I have issues that are hereditary and some that were brought on from an unhealthy lifestyle. I want to change it. I used to work out, I liked it, I like feeling like a badass in the gym, I don’t like feeling old and broken down. I feel weak now so I hide… I hide behind food and a mask that says “I’m totally ok” lies lies lies… I survive each day telling myself lies.

* I want to overcome emotional eating!! It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized I was an emotional eater, a sneak eater. I figured I just loved to eat because hey! I’m from the south, these cajuns cook good food!!! But NO overtime, through prayer and personal inventory I began to realize I was very very much of an emotional eater, trying to fill a void inside of myself buy shoveling food inside of it or sneak eating because I’m ashamed of needing the food to fill the void. I believe this challenge will help me with the strength and confidence I need again to believe in myself and it will give me the strength to fight against the Esau mentality.

* I want to feel brave again!!! I used to be the girl helping everyone, encouraging everyone, the warrior inside of me could breathe. Now I am the one being carried, my warrior feels weak, tired, depleted but there is still a spark of fire I feel from her sometimes, I hear her whisper “Let’s fight this and win, Let’s set you free” 

* Depression and Anxiety, ssshhhh it’s the shameful words no one wants to admit too or claim. Yes I suffer with depression and anxiety, if you are not one of my best friends or one of my most lovely coworkers, that comment probably surprised you. Yes I struggle with it, I just don’t put my business out there for everyone, but for the longest time I wouldn’t even admit it. One day I will write just about that because I have ALOT to say on that subject. Anyway, they say working out regularly helps with it and to be honest my depression has gotten worse as I have become more obese. But the medication has caused a lot of the weight gain as well. So if I could even lower my dose I would be happy. 

* I can win up to 5K if I actually lose the most weight, that’s a great added motivation!!! Momma needs to pay some bills!!!! The contest is 8 weeks, so if you see me and I don’t smile or if I growl, snap or possibly bite, it’s not you, I’m either tired or hangry. 

* And I’m doing it for every girl/woman that is too discouraged to walk into a gym, admit she is an emotional eater, sneak eats, deals with depression or just feels weak. I hope that if you ever come across this blog you feel inspired. 
So there it is, the basics anyway ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thank you to all of those who are cheering me on and standing behind me, especially my husband!! No clue what I would do without him sometimes.
Tomorrow is Day 1! Let’s do this!!