Scattered & Tattered 

MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster

I haven’t written in a while, seems that I gave myself too much credit when I thought I would be capable of writing every day! Right now I’m tireddddd, good kinda tired from being up at 3 am. And definitely got my hiney handed to me in bootcamp.Which reminds me, I hear so many ppl like omg that felt so great and i usually look over like “are you smoking crack??!!” No no no nothing about this feels good!!! I don’t like the pain and weakness I feel while I’m working out, why? Well hellooooo I feel like I’m dying! And I don’t like the soreness after, infact I was a little whiney today 😂 BUT I pushed through. 

However what I do like is the effects I’m seeing from this and I’m about 3 weeks in, I think.. actually its probably been a month.

For one I’m happier lately, my anxiety hasn’t been nearly as bad, although it hurts like hell I’m seeing my body and feeling it get a bit stronger each time. I didn’t realize how weak I had become while not working out and I certainly didn’t think working out would help with the pain. But it has!

I’m learning to stretch! Lol which my massage therapist and friend Laura and my husband have been trying to drill into me forever. I’m learning quickly that my body needs it and that some of the issues I’m having are from not stretching enough.

I’m learning to have patience with myself, that’s hard!!! I’m a patient person with others but when it comes to myself, well I expect a lot from myself. I’m learning to fuel my body, not over load it with junk. My trainer Lori has been amazingggg about this with me. We are still tweaking a lot of things and this week we shall see what this change brings. In my workouts I’m pushing as hard as I can, I might stop for a moment to breathe or to shake out some leg pain but I don’t quit.

 

Last week a lot of my focus was on food. Meal Prepping. I immediately got overwhelmed 😂 I had food everywhere and my husband walked through the kitchen and heard my distressing sigh, I just looked at him and said I’m trying to do this whole thing that women call cooking 😭😭😭😭 he just laughed and hugged me. I don’t cook, I prefer others cooking for me. In my defense I told him that the first week we became an official couple, hahaha, but he has taught me a great deal, so now I actually don’t burn food, most times it tastes pretty good! Took him 3 yrs to teach me hahahaha

 

So far I have lost 8 pounds, probably could have been more if not for the Mexican food over the weekend 😳 eating good while pms’ing is hard as heck!!!!

 

I got some shoes specifically for my back and legs, they finally came in so I will let yall now how they do.

 

I’ll try to update more, I have just been so tired, I’ve kinda gone MIA from life itself. I don’t mean too but one thing I know about myself is that I accidentally just disappear. I know you’re thinking yeaaaa right BUT I do. Sometimes it’ll be days or a couple weeks before I realize I haven’t talked with people close to me. Some take a great offense to that, but those who love me and have been with me for many years understand and love me through it. I eventually poke my head up and when I don’t Briscoe or Becca are usually pulling me back into the world where the other humans I love live.

Oddly enough my biological dad is the same way however I wasn’t raised by him and we have only hung out a handful of times. I never really thought things like that could be hereditary but I’m assuming it’s one of those things I’ve heard the family members say: “It’s a Meserole thing”

 

This week I am going to focus on gym time, I do good then I get exhausted and then I slack, I have to find a healthy balance for me… and balance is NOT my forte’ – I’m either a cheerleader on speed or I’m just laid back and chilled, however on both occasions I’m pretty sarcastic. If I’m not sarcastic with you, chances are I’m still observing you or I just don’t trust that I can be myself around you.

When I attempt to try and balance something in my life, I feel caged in, I have a love hate relationship with schedules. Yes I know that I probably need them but I hateeeeee it!!! The older I get …the worse it gets. So I’m trying to make baby steps to move into the right direction of learning more balance. The struggle of trying to juggle so much I think burnt me out as a single mom raising 4 kids and to be honest I BARELY SURVIVED IT!!!!

And then again maybe that’s it…. “I” am trying to juggle it… “I” need to let GOD ALMIGHTY JUGGLE IT.

 

 

 

Hmmm something to chew on this week….

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