Crystal Ball

Angels, Art, Beautiful, BeautifulDisaster, BeFearless, Believe, Bible, Brewster, Chains, ChangeYourStars, Christian, ChristianLife, ChristLover, Commissioned, CrystalBall, Dare, Deception, desperation, Disaster, DontGiveUp, DreamAway, DreamBig, Dreams, FacelessMan, Faith, Fearless, FearlessWarrior, feelings, girlRgirls, God, GodsGirl, HaveVision, Healing, Heartache, Hope, I_Dare_You, Jesus, Lies, LittlePrincess, Live, love, MagnificentObsession, moments, MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster, Mystery, NomoreChains, NotForsaken, Pain, poetry, princesslife, QueenLife, RealTalk, Redemption, Setfree, Strength, Tears, Truth, UnStoppable, Vision, Warrior

She sat there on Bourbon in her small iron chair…. making conversation with herself while smiling into the air… smoke surrounded her making it hard to see… but her eyes seemed almost angelic when she glanced over at me…. I smiled back… unsure of what to do… but her gaze had locked me and I could not move… she had a mysterious grin…. when she pulled back her curtain I had no choice but to follow her in….

We sat at her wooden table… smoke from incense filled the air… I watched her nervously as she reached for my hand… her eyes never left mine… for a brief instant I thought I saw someone else there… for some strange reason they looked blue… I closed my eyes and took a deep breath… I must’ve been seeing things because suddenly her eyes were as green as before….

It felt like she heard my thoughts when she ran her hand across my face….. it felt so familiar… causing my heart to race…. her deep green eyes stared intensely into mine… her fingers traced my cheeks… stopping softly on my lips…. seduction filled her voice when she spoke my name…. her fingers circled my palm and I felt afraid… I had not told her who I was… how does she know my name?
She told me she held my future in a small crystal ball…. I was curious… wondering what she could see…. was it possible that she held the truth of me…. Did she have the answer to heal my broken heart?

Had she seen a way to make these tears stop? She took my hand and placed it on her crystal ball and what I saw made my heart fall… there was no sunshine in this place… only coldness without hope of grace…. tears streamed like waterfalls on a tiny girls face… she was walking alone through the woods… her only light seemed to be a shining star in the black sky…. it hid behind the clouds and I heard her on the brink of another cry… her voice was soft and weak… “please don’t go”,she cried, ” I can’t see anymore without your light”
She sat on the ground alone and afraid… tears ran down my face watching her…. I understood her pain…. I looked across from me and asked the green eyed woman to help this young girl…. send an angel to light her path… give her the star back… please don’t let her stay so lost and afraid…. She only watched me… refusing to speak… I turned my sight to the young girl… she was on her knees, her fingers on a cross as she prayed…. a small gleam came through the sky…. she looked up with a tiny smile…. her weak body laid on the ground… her grey sleepless eyes slowly closed…. her breaths were deep… a tear fell across her cheek as she found her way toward sleep… the light begin to fade… and darkness fell….
I looked up from the ball afraid… I couldn’t see the tiny girl…. I could only hear the frantic noises that begin to invade her dreams…. The green eyed woman moved next to me…. “I can save her” She softly touched my dark hair…. she knew my heart was broken with this girl… her eyes locked with mine… “it won’t cost as much as you may think my sweet girl” I felt fire in her eyes… weakness when she touched my hand….fear when her lips touched mine…. her tongue had a bittersweet taste… it was the taste of sweet destruction… she spoke softly in my ear but I couldn’t understand what she was saying…. I felt something leaving me… it didn’t feel right… “NO”
But her hands felt like blades into my throat silencing my screams…. I could hear the tiny girl begging to breathe….
“I don’t understand why I feel so all alone” she cried…. “someone please help me…”
Her grip became tighter and I knew this could be the death of me….
She watched me struggling to breathe…. I could see her thoughts dancing across her face…
She thought I was too sweet and weak… it was my hopeful dreams that lead me to this place ….but didn’t she understand… this sweet girl was who I had always longed to be… she tortured my mind with what I had lost… reminding me of how my shining star had floated away… she couldn’t understand why I was fighting to keep this love inside of me…. She could see that my pain would never leave…
For a moment I saw tears in her deep green eyes…. I knew she was only wanting to protect me by trying to kill me…. She didn’t want to hurt anymore… she wanted to pretend these smiles were real… she was tired of lying to everyone around her….
Without speaking I reasoned with her… pleading for my life… making her understand that even if I let her win… the pain would still be there…. I had lost the love that I had loved the most…. There was no recovery from this pain….

Even if I let her coldness set in… she would still be lying to everyone she faced…. I couldn’t let her believe that in my death that everything would be ok….
She was stronger than I remember….she didn’t play fair…. She offered empty promises to cure the sleepless nights… to heal the brokenness inside my soul….. she saw me as nothing special… only a girl with foolish dreams….. she reminded me of what I see each time I look into the mirror and I fell into my weakness….. I felt the air leaving my body….

Sadness gripped my heart… knowing if she won, no one would ever find me….
I felt a light shine over my face… he’d come back to save me…. My shining star had come to make me safe…. I felt a small surge of strength rise within… remembering who I was with him…. When I saw his eyes I knew I didn’t want to die…. This shining star was the only thing still keeping me alive…. The love it had given me was the only thing I still prayed and hoped for….
I struggled to get free but her strength would not relent….i knew know who she was…. Everything became so clear….. Lady D was imprinted in the diamonds she wore on her head…. Her glamour and fire I wanted no more…. Living without feeling was the strength of her fortress……she was the beauty and fun that people wanted to see….

But I only longed to be just me….. I fought her kryptonite eyes with memories of my life before she had come back for me….. the love that filled my mind became her weakness….

And she released her grip on my throat… I heard her angry screams as her crystal ball shattered….. I ran fast following the light from a star above…
When I stopped to catch my breath I looked around…. I was back in the woods and I saw the tiny girl asleep on the ground… I sat to watch her sleep… tear stains upon her cheeks…. I knew she was searching for angels in her sleep…. It was how we spent each night…. Roaming through the woods… looking for an angel that held the shape of a star…..
There was no choice here but to accept my fate….

I moved to lay with her…. My fingers touched our cross… prayers moved across my lips…. Darkness began to fall again…

and I knew he was leaving me…. He had a new life that didn’t include me…. Watching his smile felt so bittersweet but I tried to smile back in knowing that for a short time he had come back for me….

It gave me hope that maybe… just maybe… there are times when he still thinks of me…. I could feel my foolish heart still waiting and hoping he would come back for me….. I know in some ways she was right… my sweetness is my worst weakness…. Its something I have no control over…. It’s the effect his light has over me….
I closed my eyes…. Saw his face…. Thankful for the memories that I had taken time to create…. Pieces of me afraid to sleep…. But for tonight…. Those memories helped me win the battle against the other side of me…. So for tonight…. There was no crystal ball… only a star that hid behind the clouds… and a young girl trying to find angels in her sleep….

****

There are time when I read things from my past and I am so very thankful that I am no longer walking though the pain of that kind of heart break. My life and my heart have both been restored.

I no longer battle between the two sides of me. I chose to let goodness rain through me and there has never been a moment that I have regretted it. She is only a memory of someone I used to be.

The only thing looking back can be good for is to remind you of how far you have come.

Brewster

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