Even In Moments Of Desperation…. My nights are filled with sleepless cries, My days are filled with numbing desperation, My heart cries out as my eyes are blurred by silent tears, My hands are bound by chains. I cry out, ” Where are you Oh Lord, My God?” ” Why has thou forsaken me in my time of need?” I sink into the lake of my silent tears. “My God” , i weakly whimper ” Have my cries not met your ears?” Silence surrounds me. “My God, has thou turned thy face from me?” ” Are my cries not desperate enough, Oh Lord God of Israel!” Walls begin to close around me, fear grips my heart. I beat the walls in desperation, looking for a way out. ” God!”, I scream ” Will thy not help me?” My ears are met with only the sound of my aimless shouts. I am surrounded by people who mock me, I watch as my enemies taunt me. I am weak, I can not fight. I sink into the shadows of darkness. I am alone. To my right, i see a woman. My ears are attentive as she speaks, for her words hold truth, courage and hope. The people whom surround her are taken by her words, for she speaks of The Lord God Almighty. I see her face. She reminds me of someone but i know that i have never met this woman. She turns to me and calls out, “Be not afraid of who God has called you to be!” She holds out her hand. ” Come and see the plans he has for you. ” The look in her eyes plead with me. I get up from my knees and begin to set pace toward her. I fall hard against the cold ground beneath me. My legs have been shackled! I don’t understand! To my left i feel the presence of my enemies. I hear the laughs and mockery. ” Where is your God now? ” I try to ignore them as I pull on the chain of my shackle. I look to them and in their hands in see them holding the chains that have me bound. Their hands hold tightly as they laugh at me. I see the word FEAR burned into their hands. I feel death try to surround me. I cry out, ” Lord, I am weak… I am brittle!” ” Will thy not show thyself ? ”
” Do not let me be put to shame my God!” ” Nor, let me enemies triumph over me! ” I hear their laughs growing louder. I raise my voice. ” Hear my cries, Oh God!” ” My forehead wears your name! ” ” I am your child, I have not forsaken your ways! ” ” Do not leave me here! ” ” My only hope is in you My God! ” ” I surrender all that i am to you, My Lord God! ” Silence surrounds me. I lay limp, as my heart mourns my death. The ground becomes soft beneath me. I feel a gentle feather move across my cheek, arms of strength pick me up from my slumber state. I look into a face filled with love. I hear words that sound like music as he speaks, ” The Lord God Almighty has sent his salvation for you! ” ” He has sent his son Christ Jesus to set you free! ” I hear a sheer sound of the smoothest metal. I turn my face from The Angel Of The Lord and look into the eyes of my salvation. He is clothed in Majesty and in his hand, He holds a sword that has the word Truth Embedded into the diamond grip. With one movement of his sword, I hear the sound of my chains hit the ground. I see my enemies thrown into darkness. “Arise”, I hear ” Thou has been Loosed! ” I look to My Lord and i cry, ” My Lord, I am still to weak from all that has over taken me. ” His mighty voice shook the insides of my weak body. My body began to tremble. ” Peace be still ” His command put my body into submission. ” My Spirit, shall make you whole. ” I feel The Spirit Of The Lord cover me. I feel a warmth begin to consume my inner most being. I feel The Spirit Of The Lord breathe life into my soul, into my being. I feel the Angel Of The Lord release me, my feet firmly hit the ground. I bow down before the presence of My Lord. I began to sing praises. I lift my head. ” Oh Lord, My God, Forgive me! ” ” I thought thou had forsaken me and left me here to die! ” Tears began to flow down my cheeks. ” Forgive me Lord for my doubt! ” I felt his love embrace me as he spoke; ” I am that I am! ” ” My words do not lie! ”
” You are my child. ” ” I will never leave you, nor forsake you. ” ” Even in your darkest moments of despair, I am there. ” ” In the moments you can not feel me or hear me, i am there. ” ” I am that I am! ” ” My words do not lie! ” His face was filled with love and compassion. ” Arise Woman!, Go Forth and Do my Will! ” ” Be not afraid of the things i have planned for you and doubt me not. ” ” Thou has been commissioned! ” I didn’t want to leave him. He knew my thoughts. ” Go, My Child. ” ” Your purpose awaits you. ” Suddenly, i am in a new place, people surround me but I am not afraid. As I speak, I hear words of truth, courage and hope. And i smile, for i finally see I am the woman God has called me to be.