I DO NOT BELONG TO YOU

MomentsOfTruthwithBrewster

Trapped on the stone of execution. Chained and tormented by the demons within.

I shake my chains looking for freedom.

I’m tired.

I’m weary from this dreadful fight.

I know God is here but I can’t see him.

I can’t feel him.

I pray.

It’s not enough.

I cry.

It’s not enough.

I beg.

It’s not enough.

I wait for freedom.

I am not answered.

I fight against the words in my head, refusing to succumb to the commands they are sending my way.

I tremor while waiting for God.

Maybe I should sit.

Maybe I should lay.

Why am I even fighting.

I am not strong enough.

No! I scream.

These voices taunting me in the dark are lies.

I know they are against me but why can’t I move.

Why can’t I break free.

I breathe.

I hear a song of old in my soul.

A song of warriors.

The song grows louder.

I fight against the torments to hear the sweet melody playing in my soul.

“Rise up Oh child of God, Rise up to see your King.”

I mimic the words in my mind, singing along with warriors of old.

There is strength building in my spirit.

My bones are becoming stronger as the song breathes life into my dead heart.

I feel the beat.

The pulsating sound consuming my ears.

The demons swirl around while trying not to lose control.

“Rise up Oh child of God, Rise up to see your King”

I slowly rise.

I stand.

I feel them grabbing at me.

NO!

I do not belong to you!

Depression, I do not belong to you.

Doubt, I do not belong to you.

Confusion, I do not belong to you.

Pride, I do not belong to you.

Infirmity, I do not belong to you.

Addiction, I do not belong to you.

Rejection, I do not belong to you.

Discouragement, I do not belong to you.

Despair, I do not belong to you.

Loneliness, I do not belong to you.

Death, I do not belong to you.

Suicide, I do not belong to you.

Heaviness, I do not belong to you.

Offense, I do not belong to you.

Religion, I do not belong to you.

Fear, I do not belong to you.

“I AM A CHILD OF GOD” “RELEASE ME!”

The shackles begin to tremor above my skin.

Light gleams through the room.

The demons shriek as my chains fall off.

The song of old grows louder.

I hear the warriors cry and sing with me.

“Arise oh child of God, Arise and see your King”

I feel unity of freedom in my bones.

I am not only me.

I am you.

We are us.

We are the children of God.

Darkness Will Bow Down

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I have run across the scripture several times in the bible, in devotionals, in songs, in others preaching it. 

“Luke 20:43 – Until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet”

There are also many other verses that talk about this. 

I have heard it used in context about “people, other humans that are rooting against you” and as this may be so true, I feel like there is also another way of looking at this. Don’t get me wrong I totally believe there are other humans (enemies) against us, some are even in disguise as frenemies. I have them, I know exactly who they are however I am unmoved by them. 

One morning while in worship something hit me, I don’t even remember the song that was playing but during the song the Holy Spirit showed something to me. Our enemies are not always flesh and blood. They are not always the people who are rooting against us. Many of our enemies are the very things we struggle against. 

We spend a lot of time fighting against certain things, some more than others. What else is an enemy? Anxiety, Depression, Suicidal thoughts, Addiction (all forms), Feelings of Worthlessness, Hopelessness, Discouragement, Chronic Pain in your body, Chronic Illness in your mind, Fear, etc. There are literally so many things that could be listed.  These things can become a darkness to us, a battle that we face.

They are our enemies.  They push against us, hoping to consume us. We try to push back, sometimes we win, other times we become overwhelmed and let it win and sometimes we don’t have a choice, it shows up and takes over. There are times when we just don’t have the strength to push back against the darkness, I have personally lived these times. 

There are times when my wounded warrior has no fight left but right now my warrior is begging me to fight, she is begging me not to give up hope. I hear her voice in my soul and mind reminding me of the promises of God. I hear her say, “Fight” I hear her cry “Don’t give up yet”

What do you do when this happens but you have no strength to fight?

You hold on to truth. God’s truth. 

John 8:32 says, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free”

I hold tight to this scripture and many others. There will be times when you will be set free immediately and there will be times when you will have to stand, kneel, lay on these promises until the freedom comes. There have been moments when I have literally held on for dear life with the promises of what God’s Holy Bible has given me and at some point, when I am ready, I will start to share those moments. 

There will be a reckoning against the darkness. There will be a time of freedom and until then I will stand on this promises that one day, they will be my footstool. 

What does that mean exactly?

I am no scholar or theologian but I can tell you what it means to me. 

In order for something or someone to become a footstool, they/it must bow down. It won’t bow down to me, I am not that powerful BUT it will bow down to the spirit of God in me. It will bow down eventually. The darkness I fight against at some point will bow down and it will become my footstool. It will lift my feet to a higher calling and I will rise and stomp on the darkness. I will stand upon it and use it for good, I will use it to further me in the love I have for helping others. 

If you are fighting a darkness that no one knows about, I just want to tell you “Don’t give up” “Fight”

Fighting doesn’t always look like we think it should look, fighting may be something as simple as listening to worship or encouraging music. It may be reading a verse. It may be sitting in your closet in the corner repeating that God will not leave you where you are. It may be finally being vulnerable enough to talk with a pastor or a friend. It may be seeing a counselor. It may be taking the step to get on meds. It may be repeating the name of Jesus over and over until the darkness starts to fade. 

Don’t be discouraged if you can’t jump up and just start pounding against the darkness the way you once had in the past. 

Don’t be discouraged if you are imperfect.

Don’t be discouraged if you are broken, or shattered on the ground. 

Just fight.

You are the only one who knows what this looks like for you.

If you do not have anything left inside of you, find someone you trust to tell this to. Let them love you through this. Let them help you find your way. If you have no one you can turn to that can love you without judgement then message me and I can recommend someone for you. 

This is just something on my heart today. 

Love you all, 

Brewster

 

Pray.Listen.Seek.

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Be careful how you walk. Make the most of your time and use it wisely. Don’t waste it. Be Productive. Don’t let God just be there; interact with him. Walk so closely with him that you hear his heartbeat. Pray. Listen. Seek the leading of his Holy Spirit. Begin everyday with God – in payer, in his Word, and in Worship – so that no matter what arises, you are more than ready.

Happily Ever After

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Fall in love, Be passionate and fearless, listen to your heart, be thoughtful and generous, believe in yourself and other people, be spontaneous and impulsive, find reasons to smile, stay loyal to your friends, pray everyday, laugh often, make memories and never take life and those you love for granted, crank up the music and hit the dirt roads, serve your community, sing and dance to your favorite silly songs. This is your Happily Ever After!

Love Revolution 

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I want my love for Jesus to be reflected in the way I show love for others, even those who may be difficult to love. If I can soften one hard heart with the love of God, maybe that person will soften another’s heart with love, then that one will reach out to others, and so on and so on… And soon we’ll have a love revolution!

Journey Of Ice

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Life is a journey that some of us live… and some of us barely survive it… its full of great moments… and sometimes it’s full of horrid events that we somehow wish was a nightmare… We all walk our own walk… no one can judge the journey we make.. or the path that we take.. no one but us fully understands the scars that lie deep within us…some of us are knocked down quicker than others… some of us are harder to knock down but when we fall… we fall hard and it takes us longer to get up… Its not how many times you fall… nor is it how hard you fall…. it doesnt matter how long it takes you to get up… just so long you get up fighting back… when you stay down… you fail.. you let that person.. that event.. that storm win… the journey will then become cold and bitter… losing all sunshine along that path… People will always hurt you in life… you should never use it as an excuse to hurt someone else purposely… in reality you are not only hurting them but you are also destroying the goodness inside of yourself by allowing the anger of you’re pain take over….you’re heart becomes cold.. Before you know it a storm begins to brew within…the ice flowing from you’re heart will begin to consume anything that lies in its path…causing a loss of anything that resembles humanity… You become this miserable dead man walking through life… unintentionally destroying and sucking the life out of anything that comes into your vision… Anger and Misery are no respecters of person… they don’t care who you are… they don’t care what your name is… they don’t care what your social status is… they don’t care about your family…. they don’t care about your children.. they don’t care about your friends… they don’t care about the innocent bystanders that forsakenly walk into their pathway… The poison within them flows from their eyes and hands…contaminating any object of goodness like a disease… they will consume you and anything you touch… introducing you to the person you will soon hate… Eventually Anger and Misery will have chased away anything that resembles warmth or love…. It will have sucked the blood out of anything that represents life outside of the world they deem to make… they become Lonely… Trapped inside a caged prison built by their own hands…. Tortured within their mind with memories that are racing in circles and faces that are fading into darkness….Silence violently rushes them as death is upon them…. The storm has won…. The heart beats no more… the trail leading back home no longer exists…. There is nothing left but… ICE

2010

DMB

Broken Eyes 

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Her eyes are burned with shattered images of you every time she looks at me…
She sees you when she looks into my deep blue eyes…
My words and mannerisms remind her of you…
My way of thinking and vision show proof that your DNA flows through me.
My face may favor her but everything about me sends flashes of a painful past that she can’t forgive before her broken eyes.
She doesn’t know me…
She thinks I’m you…
She spits fire at my soul..
Burning me while she see’s you.
She hooks invisible strings to my back and hands…
Attempting to move me in ways that will ensure the destruction of the unseen that still hides within me.
She finds failure in my every thought…her screams and venomous words have taken residency in my head, they sing to me with broken harps causing a painful rhythm to dance within me and my eyes to rain with hot liquids that burn the cheeks they fall upon…
How can i blame her for hating the image of me..
She has no idea who I am, how could she when all she can see is you…
I’m not you..
I’m not her..
In fact I’m almost nothing in-between…
The magician has forgotten who i was before i became the prisoner of this tower… before my hands where shackled to walls of hate.. before my heart was shattered into a numbing state…
A young princess crying out for freedom…
My cries go unheard, my knees bow in prayer as I realize without warning I have become the obsession of this magicians broken eyes…
Will my undeserving penance ever be resolved?
Won’t you free me dear magician?
Allow me to smile and dance freely in the oceans of forgiveness….
Written 4/2010 

The Butterfly Effect 

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As God transforms us and sanctifies us to becoming more like Him, we begin to more clearly understand the transforming power of His boundless grace. Everything is about God and not us, yet God has chosen to make us the recipients of His boundless grace. Grace means undeserved favor. Grace is when we receive something we do not deserve. We do not deserve His love or His forgiveness yet He has given it to us by His grace through faith in His son. Beginning to understand that truth will transform us all.  

Strength Training 

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Living like Christ will not come naturally or easy. Just as you would train at a gym for fitness, you must train in the Word for righteousness. When training your body you see no benefits unless you overcome resistance, it is the same with righteousness. The struggle will get real when trying to read the word and deny your self. There will never be perfect conditions to read the Word, you might never feel like it, and every excuse will be available to you, but this is where training begins. Overcome the resistance and watch yourself grow stronger in The Word.